Wealthy women out shopping

Money Can’t Buy You Love

In 2007, I was a multimillionaire. I traveled the world, I attended expensive galas, and (with my husband) donated vast sums of money to charities and political causes. I had friends in abundance; everyone returned my calls, invited me to their parties, and wanted to be “besties." I can’t lie, being in demand felt great—but I discovered the flip side of the coin in 2012, when my family and I lost everything.Shakespeare wrote, 'Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel.' The meaning is pretty straightforward: if you have friends who have proven their loyalty, hold them tight and don’t let go.Suddenly weneededfriends. Badly.I’d thought that when bad things happen to rich people, their friends dissipate like fog burning off Long Island Sound. We did have friends abandon us when the chips were down, but we also had plenty who stuck by us, stayed in touch and genuinely cared about how we were doing.In the process of navigating the tricky waters of friendship after losing everything, I discovered a few keys to building lasting connections across any financial strata.1. Focus on what's realI’ve had the chance to meet plenty of exciting, interesting characters. But I’ve also had to endure a lot of inane conversations, where people are talking about things like the practicalities of bringing a private hairdresser on vacation or the joys of finding a non-chatty chauffeur. Those conversations don’t have much substance, and I've learned that relationships built on discussing unimportant worries aren’t very reliable.No matter what your income level, focus on friendships that are based in the true essentials of being human: love, kindness, family and the lifelong quest of cultivating empathy. Make sure the people you’re connecting with have some depth.2. Don't try to draw a straight line between wealth and kindnessIn theory, wealthy people have a lot more ability to be generous than people of lower income levels but in practice that doesn’t bear out. In fact, studyafter studyhave proven the exact opposite: Less financially secure people are more prone to acts of charity.When my family was hard up, many of the people who stuck by our side, brought meals and passed hand-me-downs our way were people we knew in a service capacity: waiters we’d made friends with, personal assistants we’d had to let go. I learned the key is to meet people on a human level, to listen, to empathize and to care without regard to how much anyone has in the bank.​3. Never, ever judgeWhat I’ve really learned about friendship through all of this is that true friends will surprise you. One day the mega-wealthy friend you thought had forsaken you will ask you out to dinner. The acquaintance who read something nasty about you in the paper will phone you and your relationship will grow. People are unpredictable and making blind assumptions about them is rarely productive.To assume that a rich person only wants to associate with rich people would be wrong. So would the suggestion that a less wealthy person is a hanger-on who “wants something.” People are filled with infinite complexity and…yes…fallibility. The heart, above all things, is difficult to predict. You’re better off withholding judgment, giving people the benefit of the doubt, and reevaluating as your understanding of them evolves.More than anything else, I’ve found that my best friendships are with people whoI’vebeen real with. The ultimate truth of building lasting friendships is simple: to have friends worth binding to your soul, you have tobethat sort of friend too.Kristina Dodgeis a mother of four, entrepreneur, writer, and public speaker. She can be found online atwww.KristinaDodge.com.
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Best friends embracing

31 Days of Friendship

1. “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.” ―Helen Keller2. Help a friend move.3. Read Chicken Soup for the Soul: Just Us Girls: 101 Stories about Friendship for Women of All Agesby Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen and Amy Newmark.4. Watch Beaches.5. Listen to “My Best Friend” by Weezer.6. “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ―Bob Marley7. Take your “best friend” for a walk.8. Read MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friendby Rachel Bertsche.9. Watch Goonies.10. Listen to “Count On Me” by Bruno Mars.11. “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” ―Abraham Lincoln12.Get the band back together.13. ReadBridge to Terabithiaby Katherine Paterson.14. Watch Marley & Me.15. Listen to “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” by Randy Newman.16. “Words are easy, like the wind. Faithful friends are hard to find.” ―William Shakespeare17. Start a supper club with your friends.18. Read Comrades: Brothers, Fathers, Heroes, Sons, Palsby Stephen Ambrose.19. Watch How I Met Your Mother.20. Listen to “We’re Going to Be Friends” by The White Stripes.21. “Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.” ―Richard Bach22. Have a Friends marathon.23. Read The Outsidersby S.E. Hinton.24. Watch The Help.25. Listen to “I’ll Stand by You” by The Pretenders.26. “Nobody can take ever take a friend’s place—nobody.” —Maya Angelou27. Invite everyone over for a game night.28. Read The Wind in the Willowsby Kenneth Grahame.29. Watch New Girl.30. Listen to “I’ll Be There” by The Jackson 5.31. “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art....It has no survival value; rather, it is one of those things that give value to survival.” —C.S. Lewis
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Flowers of Compassion

3 Crucial Building Blocks of Compassion

There are several practices, or strategies,that help us cultivate compassion, saysJan Hutton, a certified CompassionateListening facilitator who works with theCompassionate Listening Project.Together, they teach us to listen to theworld with a different ear, to see theother person’s humanity and to respondin a different way.1. Find peace in yourselfThe first step is being compassionate withyourself. “I have to own my own vulnerability as a human being and use itas a bridge to someone else’s heart,” Janexplains. “I have to acknowledge mywounds, acknowledge my mistakes,acknowledge that I’m human,acknowledge that I have limits. And Ihave to be gentle with myself.”Don’t beat yourself up or criticize yourselfwhen you make mistakes or don’t live upto your own or others’ expectations.Instead, simply remind yourself thatmistakes are something you share withevery other human on the planet. It’s abond that pulls all of us together.2. Listen and reflectListen with yourheart. When you talk with anotherperson, quiet your mind, focus on the them, look for a deeper point ofconnection and practice reflective listening. When someone explains howthey feel about something, Jan says, repeat it so they know you understandwho they are, what they think and whatthey feel.Expect—and accept withoutjudgment or comment—points of viewthat are widely divergent from your own.As the late Gene Knudsen Hoffman,founder of the Compassionate ListeningProject, wrote: “We must listen with aspiritual ear,” not the ones we usuallywalk through the world with.3. QuestionAsk friends to tell youstories and then follow up with questionsto encourage deeper thinking, such as“How has this situation affected yourlife?” “What was that like for you?” and“Can you tell me what life experience ledyou to feel this way?”The approach works in three ways: First,it helps us better understand someoneelse’s life story. Second, it allows usto sense our shared humanity. And,third, it helps us practice maintainingan attitude of acceptance so we avoidjudgments that are really results of our biases and fears.
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