Flourishing Center

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology withThe Flourishing Centerpodcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn about the relationship between genes and depression. LifeHack—Learn how to ruminate less and reappraise more. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn how one company uses positive psychology to take care of their employees' wellbeing. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya: Hello and welcome to the practitioner's corner. Today with us we have Jeff Thomson from Northbrook, Illinois. He is the lead performance coach for Energy for Life at Allstate Insurance Company. Fun little factoids about Jeff, he is one of 10 kids in his family. And, he has been to 69 Dave Matthews Band concerts. But who's counting, right Jeff? We're so happy to have you here with us. In our 5i Change Agent Model, you're an implementer. You're utilizing positive psychology within an organization, and we're so excited to learn more about what brought you to this work and how you are helping people bring positive psychology into their day-to-day life. Jeff: Thank, Emiliya. I'm so happy to be with you today. Emiliya: Jeff, tell us. What brought you to this work? Jeff: I think, first off, probably a lot of self-work and just life experiences that had me on a search for more happiness and fulfillment in my own life due to just life circumstances that had me in the dumps at different times. That pursuit I think, ultimately, just led me forward and learning more about the science of happiness. Emiliya: Tell us more about how you work at Allstate right now. Jeff: My job for the last six plus years at Allstate has been implementing Energy for Life. It actually comes from an organization called the Human Performance Institute, based in Orlando, Florida. That's part of Johnson and Johnson. They developed a program, a two and a half day workshop called The Corporate Athlete, that uses a four dimensional view of energy management. Looks at spiritual energy, emotional, mental, and physical energy. Allstate has been one of their chief champions of the work and has been licensing their content under the name of Energy for Life at Allstate now, in different variations for probably upwards of 10 plus years. Emiliya: It is so neat to see organizations be bringing these types of programs in for their employees and to be investing in human potential and human capital. What are some of the impacts that you've seen these programs make on the people that you work with? Jeff: There's so many amazing success stories or testimonials that we get from over the years of training, or delivering the content to our employees. We've now had ... Today over 22,000 employees have gone through the program. One of the things I always like to say about it first and foremost is it's a free opportunity. It's not a requirement for employees to go through, it's just a free gift that Allstate offers to its employees to really make an investment in them and their lives in a multidimensional kind of way. What I love is that the stories that come back are very multidimensional in in of themselves. You'll hear all sorts of success stories of people that have made some tangible changes around the physical dimension. They have started a new exercise regimen, or they've shifted their eating habits. The stories that always impact me the most, though, are the ones that are more relational in nature where, you just hear stories of a mother, a father, who reengages with their kids differently because they learned about the value and importance of full engagement, and bringing your fully energy to a singular task or person. Just a lot of success stories in that regard. People have shifted careers because they just really realized that their spiritual energy was out of alignment with something they valued and really wanted in their lives, so they make a career change. Yeah, the stories really are endless. Oftentimes, it's life transformational, what we hear from people. Emiliya: That is incredible. Even so cool to hear the word spiritual be referenced within an organizational setting. Jeff: Yeah. When we deliver the program, we even go the extra mile of really helping people because we know that that probably, for some people, could create discomfort, to your point that it's not something that would commonly be used. If it makes people feel more comfortable, we'll offer synonyms for it. This is what the ... What matters less is the word we use, and more is what's a part of this dimension of energy, which is really around your purpose and having a sense of purpose and clarity of what matters most to you in your life so that as you have that, working to align elements of your life with those things that matter most to you. What we commonly find is for many people, those things have just gotten out of order either accidentally or they haven't paused really in life to try and understand their north star, or taking participants through a series of reflective exercises to develop that. It's usually an intimidating exercise for someone to write that mission statement, but even the process of getting them to think about what do they want their legacy to be? Who are the people and what are the things that matter most to them in their lives? Are not common questions that people reflect on, particularly at work. Giving them that space to make that investment in themselves and make some deep connections in that regard and walk out of there with either a much clearer sense or a slightly clearer sense really helps people make some of the behavior changes that they made be looking to make in a more tactical, tangible level. Emiliya: So cool, Jeff. Thank. What are some of the ways that recently you've been integrating positive psychology? Jeff: I think what was really neat for me is that my story really was so much self-discovery and self-taught. I went out and I probably purchased over 100 books on happiness just because I really started it as a selfish mission for myself, of having been depression at different points in my life because of a difficult relationship breakup or something. I just was really in hot pursuit of how I could feel better. Then, from that, as I just saw my own application of that build my own muscles of resilience and how to live a happier life, it became more altruistic from there and just, "Okay. If these are skills that one can learn, how do we make that more known to others?" I became very purposeful from a career perspective to find work that would allow me to bring this to the world so I could serve as a catalyst to others, and saw a great opportunity at Allstate that was already investing in this program that seemed so deeply aligned with where I thought I could bring value. It was really from that that in my discontinued evolution of trying expand my thinking in the space and thought leadership that led me to so much of the science seems to point back to this field. At the time I knew very little about it, positive psychology, but now I feel much more connected to, largely through my experience being in the CAPP program. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. I'm curious, what stands out for you as some of the more poignant positive psychology concepts that you've learned? Jeff: A big one for me was around meaning. I joke, when I deliver the Energy for Life workshop, that I created a mission statement of my life probably 15 years ago that was two pages long, about eight paragraphs in length, and I was so proud of it after I had developed it. It was this mini manifesto for myself. What I came to realize in the years that followed was that I still made a lot of poor life choices or ones that didn't align fully with that, and I think it was because I wasn't so clear on it. I eventually whittled it down to a one word ultimate mission, which is happiness for me. But I think now, looking back to when I started in CAPP, my mission statement was short-sighted because I think I was really missing out on the meaning element of happiness. That's really one of the big concepts that really helped shift things for me, was learning more about meaning and meaning's role in creating a life. A flourishing life. How there's meaning available in every moment, should we choose to see it in so many small ways. I think ... I almost walked away from CAPP with that as a challenge to myself. Like, how can I seek more meaning in just day-to-day moments? A big part of that being ... Also connected to that was the storytelling component. I like to use the term storytelling because so much of our experiences based on the stories we create for ourselves about our life experiences. I try to be very intentional about both creating a story that can explain what's happened to me in a way that really serves my growth moving forward. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. Jeff, I'm curious, what are some of the obstacles you see for bring positive psychology into the workplace? Jeff: I think it's probably, on some level ... I think language is really important. Just how you had a reaction to the term spiritual, and you know that that's not such a commonly used word in corporate America, or corporations. I think that same could be true of using terms like positive psychology. People have a reaction to that. That's interesting now that I'm so deeply into it, like, I don't even think about it anymore, but I occasionally get that reaction where someone chuckles in response to me using those words. I think being really deliberate about the language we use to describe what it is in a way that's more accessible to people. In a way that sounds more naturally desiring and minimally causes curiosity versus judgment, hopefully. From that, I think, big thing that I try to focus on is how to hook into and talk about it in a way that will get a positive reaction from most. Talking about the demands that people face in their lives, that demands are increasing. People can relate to that. They just feel more naturally under pressure or stressed, or just needing some kind of lifeline to help make their days a little bit better. By connecting first to what the pain points are for someone, I think, is really useful to them saying, "Oh, you mean there's a toolkit? There's a toolbox of things that I could do and practice and be deliberate about? Really build some muscle around that helps make elements of my life even just a little bit easier or better than that? More fulfilling and meaningful?" I think that's a hook that's pretty attractive to many people. But if you can't first connect with them around where they're pain or disturbance is in their life, I think you could end up just missing each other. Emiliya: Absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that perspective. I'm curious, what are some of the self-care practices that you personally utilize that sustain your wellbeing? Jeff: For me, there's so many and I feel like that's part of what's valuable, is I try to always remind myself and then also the team that I work with. We have to start with self. If we have to apply the very things we're teaching others, we have to be in active work doing the self-work. That's hard, right? But that's also where I think we show up as way more real to the people that we bring this to. I feel like I benefit from so many different strategies. An example of one that I've experimented with based on the referral from someone else in the CAPP program is I started 2017 by downloading this five minute journal app, which allowed me to take my gratitude practice really to a whole other level, by starting my day and being deliberate about three things I'm grateful for. Three things I want to achieve or how I want to operate in the day, work that around my intentions, and then doing that same practice for a couple minutes at the end of the day to think about what were the best parts of my day, and then what would I have done different. Just those triggers to really cause me to pause and reflect and appreciate. Gratitude is a significant one for me. The physical dimension that came more naturally to me from being involved in athletics. I oftentimes underestimate it, but if I pull myself away, I realize that it's really at the core of what helps me to have physical energy throughout my days. Getting my exercise in, being conscious of what foods I eat and what I'm putting in my body and knowing that that has so many effects, positively or negatively, how I show up over the course of the day. Just, again, the practice of full engagement. That is daily work. I've got two young daughters at home, and it's easy for me to come home at the end of a difficult day, same with my wife, and just not be fully attentive to a conversation that's unfolding in front of me and end up showing up as half that husband or half the dad that I want to be in those moments. Really being deliberate, like, if I'm cooking dinner, try to stop cooking dinner. Turn the burners off if I need to, to just really engage in the conversation and be fully present. Anytime I can just practice full presence in a moment, that is one of the most valuable self-care strategies that I've ever learned. Because the beauty of it is it's both self-fulfilling ... It's so appreciated by those that you're with too. They see that you just show up. I can tell how I'm just in this moments, when I'm really there with my daughters or my wife. It's a great validation of why I need to keep practicing that. Another self-care strategy that's been really valuable for me is the importance of taking breaks throughout my day. One of the things I've learned from HBI was the recommendation around every 60 to 90 minutes that we oscillate our energy in some kind of way, whether that's mentally, emotionally, physically, to just take some kind of break. To push away from whatever it is that you're working on. I've found so much value of just one, getting up and physically moving around my office space. Walking, getting my water bottle refilled, that's a nice way of doing multiple good things for yourself at the same time. But I also love ... I follow inspiring thought leaders on Facebook and sometimes if I have two stolen minutes between conference meetings or something, I'll just stop and read an inspiring article on Facebook. It just adds great fuel to my day, to the next thing that I'm going to walk into. Just being really deliberate about taking time for yourself throughout your day I think helps you to have more energy at the end of your days. Emiliya: That is so true, and I think of the times when I'm speaking about mindfulness within an organizational setting. I'll sometimes say to a group of people, "If I'm thinking about something else or I'm not present, you guys can't tell, right?" I'll demonstrate it where I just stand there and I look like I'm smiling at them, but I demonstrate that I might be thinking many thoughts in my head that they might not know about. Most people nod their head that yeah, you can't tell if someone's mind has wandered because technically you can't read what they're thinking. You can't see what they're thinking. But then I ask them to pause and I say, "But, do you really know when someone is present with you?" Then after a moment people go, "Yeah, yeah you do." Because you can tell the energetic shift and especially with children. It's such a gift to give them to know that what they say matters to the adults that they care about, that cares about them. To give them the gift of your presence. Jeff: It reminds me of a story when both my daughters were younger. This was probably five plus years ago, but when I'd come home at the end of the day, there was a time when my younger one would run up to me and would want to tell me about her day, and because my wife works as well, I'm the first one home, I'd commonly pick her up and I'd set her on the counter while I start putting dinner together. I would say, "Annabelle, tell me about your day." All of a sudden, time would pass and I'd realize that I had heard nothing of what she just said to me. I'd be like, Okay, bad dad Jeff. Ask her again. "Annabelle, how was your day?" This would happen multiple times and I was just realizing that I wasn't really hearing her. Then, over time I saw that she stopped coming up to me when I'd come home at the end of the day. This really causes some level of heartbreak for me. Like, "Wow, my youngest daughter doesn't get excited when Dad comes home anymore. What have I done to contribute to this?" I started being deliberate about when I would come home of sitting her on the couch next to me, or taking a knee and really connecting with her eye to eye. What I saw ... These weren't long conversations. Usually they were just a couple minutes of really just practicing connection, and I remember that after doing that enough times, it change again. All of a sudden, Annabelle was running to greet me at the back door. I was like, "Thank you for getting it right and paying attention enough, Jeff, to realize that you were contributing both to the problem, and now you're contributing to a much more meaningful solution now. Where, she's excited to have dad come home at the end of the day." Emiliya: So beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for sharing that. Jeff, I'm curious, how would you define what it means to flourish? Jeff: Great question. I think, to me, it's all about being able to reflect on your days and believe that you matter to other people. That you were present enough with them to have an impact. Small, medium, large, however it may show up. But to me, that's the more my journey has continued, the more I realize that it's not so much about myself as it started with, about me finding happiness, but that that comes more naturally as a result of me really making investments in others. That, to me, is flourishing but again, there is this self piece, to your question that I love, around self-care that I have to be selfish enough to make sure that I'm taking care of my own wellbeing so that I can be the best I want to be and aspire to be to the people that come across my path and my life. When I know I'm doing that, the right balance of taking care of me so that I'm showing up to others the way I want to, that to me feels like those are my flourishing days. Emiliya: Any tips or recommendations you would make for people who are interested in positive organizational cultures, or how corporations could begin to learn from what you are all doing at Allstate to bring positive psychology into their workplaces? Jeff: I think, certainly, reaching out to organizations, like a human performance institute, or The Energy Project is another one, doing very similar work. Just understanding what they offer. You can try and build this yourself in an organization, and that's probably the cheaper way to go, but there's probably all sorts of potholes and roadblocks with that plan, versus going out and talking to organizations that already have really constructed a multidimensional framework, and have really made organizations a primary target audience that they work with. Just something I've really appreciated, knowing that they existed. From there, there's a lot to learn then from other organizations. I love opportunities to talk to peers that work in other industries that use HPI. It's a great opportunity to learn how they've done their rollout, where they have challenges, it's all the same kind of ... Any change initiative, it goes back to the common things around having senior leader sponsorship, change champions in an organization making this into different parts of the organization so it's more than just a workshop. There's all these sustainability challenges that any organization would face, even after you've trained 22,000 people, leaning on other organizations that are already trying to solve for many of the same challenges, I think has been a ... One, it's just a great support system, but two, so many valuable insights that you can go back and then try experimenting with and applying in your own organization is really helpful. Emiliya: Earlier, we said that you serve as a coach within your organization, the lead performance coach. What does that role entail? Do you do a lot of the training, or do you actually do one-on-one work with individuals to help them implement their work? Jeff: Yeah, it's almost misleading in that regard in terms of how we traditionally think of a coach, which is more of that one-on-one relationships. At Allstate, while that's the title of the role, it largely shows up in terms of the delivering workshops to, on average, probably somewhere 20, 25 participants, employees in the organization. The coaching that I think I do has less to do with that formal role, and probably a lot more to do with the role I play to the other performance coaches on my team, or just other people, stakeholders that I get to know through the organization. But yeah, that's more the informal part of the one-on-one coaching versus a formal capacity that I serve in. Emiliya: Got it. Yeah. One of the challenges I think the coaching industry faces is the use of the word coach, and how we keep coaching as coaching. Jeff, if people want to follow up to learn about you and your work, any way that they can be in contact with you? Jeff: Yeah, absolutely. I would relish the opportunity to meet more people and expand my network in any way possible. The best ways to reach me would probably be via email, jeff.thomson@allstate.com. Or, by phone. 847-840-8385. I welcome the additional connections and opportunities to share what I've learned and learn from others as well. Emiliya: Thank you, Jeff. Thanks for being with us today. Jeff: Thank you so much, Emiliya. I really appreciate the opportunity to share some of my story. Emiliya: Thanks for listening to today's episode. We hope that you'll take away a renewed energy around reappraising your thoughts, and that when stressful events happen, the mediator between being at risk for winding up feeling stuck and depressed, is not just having a genetic predisposition but it's the ability to work with our thoughts, to do less rumination and thought suppression, and to spend more time reframing our thoughts. If you're someone who finds that it's a harder thing for you to do, know that these are all skills that we can build. I hope that you've taken some inspiration from learning about Jeff and seeing that there are organizations throughout the world that are doing their best to invest in their employees' wellbeing, and that there are strategies and skills that we can take on to self-care so that everyone thrives together. Thanks for listening. We hope that you'll share this podcast with others that you think will benefit from it.

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology with The Flourishing Center podcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn what people who score high in trait emotional intelligence do differently. Life Hack—Learn how to further develop your own emotional intelligence. Practitioner’s Corner—Find out how one executive coach puts positive psychology into practice with her clients. Learn more about The Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya:  Hello everyone, and join me in welcoming Lisa Jacobson. She is a career consultant and leadership coach, and she is incredibly unique in so many ways, and one of which is that she holds both a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and she's also a graduate of our Certification in Applied Positive Psychology program here at The Flourishing Center. We're so excited to have Lisa with us and learn about how she's been applying positive psychology. She is an individualizer in our 5i Model, meaning that she uses positive psychology on a one-on-one basis with helping people figuring where are they and where do they want to go in their life. Lisa:  Well, I was a practicing human resources consultant, an internal consultant with Verizon, and I felt as though I reached a plateau in terms of how I could help people in the workplace. I really felt as though I needed more knowledge about what works well in the workplace and so that's what led me to the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. Emiliya:  Beautiful. What brought you to the CAPP program as well? Lisa:  Well, the CAPP program is very interesting to me because I was in the same MAPP program as one of the co-founders, and I felt after several years of practicing positive psychology, I needed a refresher course, and I thought this was one way to find out what's some of the newer research out there and how could I use the existing research in new and different ways. Emiliya:  Tell us, Lisa, how are you using positive psychology personally and professionally? Lisa:  In my coaching practice, it's a very much a full practice. There are probably four different ways in which I practice positive psychology on a full-time basis. The first one is in Tampa, Florida. I actually have a clientele of young people who are about to graduate college and are undecided about what they want to do with the degree that they'd been earning, and then also some people in the Southeast United States who are currently in the workplace, and they want to maybe make a pivot and change directions in their career for many reasons. It varies considerably. Then I have my executive coaching practice, and what I do in that is there are some firms in the Southeast, businesses, a couple of construction companies that I work with, a research company that I work with, and some health care organizations, and I go into their workplaces, I'm hired usually by the CEO of the company, to work with their leaders who have a lot of potential, and I walk them through a leadership development program. Finally, what I've added just recently, and I really love it, I didn't know what I was going to think is I actually contract as a 1099 for a coaching organization called BetterUp. Emiliya:  Wow, that is so cool, Lisa. I love the variety of experiences that you get to have in the work that you're doing with people, being in such different places of their life as they're working with you. What are some of the ways in which you find yourself integrating positive psychology as you do this one-on-one work Lisa:  Positive psychology's actually my absolute guiding post for just about any activity that I do with clients. On a basic level, let's say that I'm working with someone about career decisions. The first thing is to guide that person to clarify their goals and to list those goals, and then to agree that they're going to be accountable for those goals, and also that I agree to help the become accountable to those goals and for the goals to be specific and for them to be measurable for them to have an idea of what a good might be. That would be step number one in just career exploration. There are probably 36 different activities I work with, I use from CAPP or positive psychology that are positive things that tap into a person's strengths to create a greater awareness of what those strengths are, and then to apply those strengths in new and different ways. I'd like to say that probably one of the most fundamental and most effective methods that I use is the "my best moment" method, and I usually establish that early on in the relationship. I do that because I find that when you ask someone about a best moment in their life, it's a bonding experience with them, so this establishes trust in a fairly quick way, and I share my own best story with them too. I usually have two versions. One that's just kind of an everyday best moment, and then there's a deeper one that I share when I feel we have established maybe greater intimacy, but this best moment story gives people a chance. It gives my clients an opportunity to reveal who they are, who they have been at their very best. It gives me the opportunity to listen for their strengths and to begin to appreciate what they're good at. When we have this experience of back and forth, like when I tell them, "I heard in this that you're a very creative person, and I saw a lot of curiosity in it as well," then they verify if what I heard is accurate or not. This gets them thinking they've really never thought of before. It just kind of opens the floodgates for ideas. Emiliya:  Wow. Thank you, Lisa. I hear you saying that one of the pillars of your practice is focused on identifying and naming strengths and that you are listening for your client's strengths as you're speaking with them and that you're kind of bringing them out within them as you're sharing, as you're listening to them speak about their goals, their dreams, their aspirations for themselves in life. Lisa:  Yes, exactly, because I really don't know of any formal program or opportunity that people have to begin to find their voice, and by their voice, I mean to be able to answer the question, who am I and why am I here and how do I add value to my family, to my friends, to my organization, to my team. These are such important questions, and it's just, it mystifies me why the first time someone finds themself answering these questions is often with the work that I do with them. Emiliya:  That's such a great point, Lisa, in that we can, as change agents ourselves, start to ask these questions of the people that we know, of the people that we care about that people shouldn't have to wait until they're finding themselves in just a professional setting or place of transition to start to recognize these things about themselves. Lisa:  Sure. I usually start out with a very lighthearted story of when I was, in my early 50s, and I think it's important to note that because I work with a lot of people who are aged 50-plus, and I really try to live out the fact from what we know about change and adult development and positive psychology that we continue to learn and grow, and that improves the quality of my lives. One of my best moments was when I started to do more exercise, and I actually kind of got that motivation from you because to me, when it comes to positive psychology, you represent the importance of the vitality that people have, and vitality becomes so much more important as you age. We take it for granted when we're younger. With vitality in mind, I signed up at the local YMCA to take a Body Pump class. That's basically weightlifting to music. It was down the street from where I work, so I would just run over and snag a class. I'd often come to the class late and I would often leave early because I had appointments, and people were paying me to be their coach, and I had a lot of work to do. I was building my practice up, so I didn't take it very seriously, but I thoroughly enjoyed it and loved it. One day, I came in with flip flops on. In fact, I call this my flip flop story. They were probably into the third routine. The instructor stops the class, and she says, "You can't stay in this class, Lisa, because you're not dressed appropriately. You need close-toed shoes. We're dealing with weights here," and I said, "Well, if you don't mind, I'd just like to stay because I'm here already." She left the room, and I thought everyone in the class, there were 30 people in the class, I thought they would say, "Oh, let Lisa stay," but no one defended me. I was really embarrassed, and I realized at that moment that my late entrance to the class and my early departures were things that people kind of didn't like about me. They didn't come to my defense. Everyone was annoyed because I was holding up the class. The manager of the YMCA came to the front door, and like a principal, he asked me to come to his office, and then he told me about rules and regulations and safety. I was humiliated for being called out, and I walked home, and something just came inside of me where I just said, "You know, I'm 50 years old, and I can't just act like a little girl here and get angry and hide my head in a pillow. I have to buck up and get back to that class and apologize to the instructor for my lack of motivation and tardiness and just not taking it seriously." I did, I went back to the class. I finished the class with my shoes on, and then after the class, I walked up to the instructor, and I told her that I apologize, and I said, "I learned a lesson, and the lesson was that I wasn't valuing her time as much as I valued my own, and I wasn't taking the class seriously, and that I would hereafter." She said, "Thank you," and from then on, I took it more seriously, in better shape for it too, but more importantly, I learned that I was disrespecting her, because to me, honestly, and this is still hard for me to admit, I did not value her time as much as I valued my own. Emiliya:  Firstly, I'm so grateful because I can tell you that I, too, am a Body Pump enthusiast, and I, too, have actually been that person who showed up in flip flops and was like, "What do you mean I can't do this class barefoot? I actually really prefer to squat and do things in my barefoot running shoes anyway," and have also been told to leave the class until I am able to come in with sneakers and find myself in that place too. Thank you so much for sharing that at the always in a hurry person within me bows to the always in a hurry person within you and recognizes that we share this in common along with a passion for this particular modality. As you share that story with your clients, what are some of the strengths that you highlight within ourself or pieces of learning that you hope that they'll capture within that story? Lisa:  Well, first of all, I hope they feel comfortable enough to admit that they're human and even at whatever age, we still have things to learn. It's so important. Even character strengths. They often tell me that they hear the humility in having learned a lesson, and they also hear perseverance, and as much as that I didn't give up, I went back to the class, and they hear honesty and authenticity and bravery. Bravery is interesting because so many people think bravery has to do with a physical thing, but bravery, as we know from positive psychology, has to do with being brave enough to be honest with yourself and with other people. Emiliya:  You said that that's the more surface-level story. I know that we're just getting to know you, but what's the deeper story that you sometimes share with clients? Lisa:  Well, the deeper story is a story of resilience, and it's one that I have come to really appreciate as I've told certain people. It seems, as a coach, that I really have my whole life together, and it appears as though sometimes people want to be like me. I want to let them know that this was, my journey has been a very long and painful journey with a lot of work involved and a lot of effort. The story begins just when I was a child. I had a mother and father, but my mother was mentally ill. She had severe psychosis and bipolar disorder. She ended up having four children, and she was really unable to take care of her children. I grew up in Philadelphia, actually, and we used to spend summers at the Jersey Shore. One summer, we were renting a house there, and school was starting, it was late August, and school was starting in September. This is where my mother could really relax, and it would be a vacation for her. Well, this particular summer, when I was 11 years old, we all got in the car to go back to Philadelphia, and everything was packed up, but my mother would not get in the car to come back to Philadelphia with us. I didn't quite understand it, but she was having yet another nervous breakdown, and she really just said, she came to the car, and she said, "I just can't do this anymore." That was really a tough moment for us all to handle. My father had no choice but to drive us back to Philadelphia. School started, and my mother never came home. That was September. Then in October, it was my birthday, and still, mom did not come home. November was Thanksgiving, no mom. December was Christmas, again, mom, it seemed as though she was just not going to return. It seemed as though she decided she could not raise her four children. In January, my father called his family in Tampa, Florida and asked if they could help raise us. We moved into a little two bedroom house with my great-aunt who I've never met before, and we started our lives all over again. Needless to say that that was a very though, bewildering time for me, and I just did what I had to do. I put one foot in front of the other to get through it. The toughest part, really, was as a teenager growing up in a new environment, people would always ask, "Well, where's your mom?" I would say, "She's very, very sick, and I don't think she's ever coming here. That, it's like she's terminally sick," I would say. I kind of make up stories as a kid. Then they found out, basically, that my mother was chronically mentally ill, and she gave us up to my dad. Kids make fun of stuff like that, and they think you're weird, and they don't want to be around you, and they think there's just something wrong with you and your family. A lot of judgment of the stigma of mental illness. I grew up with adversity that way, not having a mother, then it being kind of an illness that has a stigma, and then facing the fact that was abandoned by my other, and then being raised by man and dealing with all that going to high school and college and so forth. I just had to make my own way and make the best of the circumstances that I had. It wasn't easy, but I found my way forward, and I did it. That's my story. Emiliya:  It's an amazing thing to put the two strength stories together because you can hear the honesty and the authenticity and the bravery that comes with both being honest with yourself and also the bravery to just do what needs to be done and putting one foot in front of the other in stories of resilience like this one. Thank you so much for sharing that, Lisa. Lisa:  You're welcome. Bottom line there is that I was very, very sad, sad, sad, sad, as a child, and I found that you can do things to make your life matter. You don't have to resign to what your life circumstances have given you. That's what I've learned. Actually, my adulthood has been a lot happier than my childhood. Emiliya:  What are some ways that you personally practice positive psychology in adulthood that give you that sense of happiness and well-being and life satisfaction? Lisa:  Well, I practice mental hygiene. I think that's a term, actually, I got from you in the CAPP course. I start every day of my life quietly in meditation. Before I do anything, I practice meditation. I set intentions for the day, and it's usually 15 to 20 minutes of my practice in setting intentions. Then I routinely practice yoga twice or three times a week, and I exercise twice or three times a week as well. These things are absolutely staples in my life. I not only coach actively with the science of positive psychology being my primary toolbox, but I live it. I practice gratitude as well every day, and so does my husband. We've been doing that for 10 years now, sometimes more consistently than others, but before I open my computer and I check my email, I write down three things for which I am grateful or three things that went well. Well, it sets the tone for the day for me, but with the gratitude, meditation, exercise, yoga, it all comes together. There's this synergy there too. There's definitely a synergy, and let me tell you, Emiliya, as you know, in studying for my masters, I couldn't sit still to meditate for three minutes. It has taken me years to work up to the 20 minutes that I now do. I tell people that because they think, "Oh, I just can't meditate," and I say, "This is something for some people that takes years of practice." Emiliya:  I'm definitely in the same boat as well. I can't tell you how many times I ... I mean, I've been at it for over 14 conscious years of when I first learned about meditation to getting to the point where I do do it, I do it frequently, still not every day, and so one of the things that's helped me is reminding myself that what we do on the cushion is what we do off the cushion, and that on the cushion, your mind wanders, and you come back, and your mind wanders, and you come back, and what's most important is not that you have a clear mind, but that you keep coming back. That's definitely helped me having some more compassion towards myself on days when I haven't been meditating. It's all about coming back. Lisa:  That's probably the benefit for staying at it for 10 years is that I am able, through the course of the day, to center myself. In a matter of a second, I can go to that place. It's my reset button, and it's wonderful. Emiliya:  Beautiful. What have been some of the more powerful interventions and exercises that you've used with your clients as you've been sharing positive psychology with them? Lisa:  At BetterUp, I've found that people in the workplace are starving for things that they can use in the workplace to avoid running down the hall and getting a Snickers bar or something because they're stressed out. A lot of us at work, we're stressed because we're stretched to reach our goals, and we can easily break down by, we even break down that self-discipline muscle we have. It's important to set ourselves up for success, and one of the ways that we can do that is by being prepared, by planning in advance for when things go wrong. One of the things I love to do is encourage people to figure out what works specifically for them when they're stressed out to de-stress and to calm down and to not do something negative like go, for me, it used to be go the, we used to have snack machines, and go to snack machine and get a Snickers bar. There a number of things that you can do, and one of them is what I call a BMW, and that just means try breathing first. We talk a lot about how breathing actually helps, a conscious breathing, helps at least bring more oxygen to the brain. One of the first things that even physicians do is when they're trying to figure out what's wrong with someone is figure out how much oxygen do they have in their blood, and so it's very important thing to understand that your bloodstream is getting oxygen. The simplest most fundamental way of doing that is to be conscious of your breathing and to do it more efficiently and effectively. The M stands for move, so if the breathing still makes you go have an urge for a Snickers bar I say move. Walk around the building, walk around the parking lot, the parking garage, but see if that can distract you. Then W is water, of course. Hydrate. Drink a glass of water and see if that doesn't ... If you tried all three of those things and you still have this urge to feed that stress with some kind of unhealthy habit, I guess you tried not to. That's one little intervention that I use in the workplace because most of the time, no matter where anybody works, it's stress is the biggest issue with them, effectively dealing with stress, using stress in a positive way, so here's an example of using stress in a positive way. This is another thing that I took away from [inaudible 00:31:06] with Louis at CAPP, and that is, instead of, I have to do something, I get to do something. Emiliya:  Beautiful, Lisa. Thank you so much for sharing some of these powerful interventions with us that you integrate into your work. I'm curious if we could close our time off together with anything that you are really excited about within the field of positive psychology that you're reading or researching right now that's top of mind for you? Lisa:  I think decision making is one of, it's a very common topic for positive psychology. People want to make better decisions, and what we keep finding is that decisions are better made when you discuss them objectively, bringing that objective quality into them, and that's why working with a coach, it doesn't have to be a coach, but working with a coach or a mentor, someone, just talking about the steps of your decision making with someone has a positive impact on the change that you want to make in your life. Emiliya:  Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Lisa. Thank you for taking the time to share your expertise in your practice of positive psychology with us. Lisa:  Thank you. It was my pleasure. Emiliya:  Lisa, if people wanted to find out m ore about your work, where could they find you? Lisa:  They can Google Lisa Garcia Jacobson. Emiliya:  Beautiful. Thank you, Lisa. Lisa:  Thank you. Bye. Emiliya:  Learn more about Lisa Jacobson's work at workplacesolutionstampa.com, including her interview bootcamp, career services, and executive coaching. Speaking of interviews, check out our website theflourishingcenter.com/5imodel. That's the number 5, the letter i, and the word model. This is a questionnaire that we've established to help you figure out which of the five change agent types you fall into, and based on identifying what type of change agent you are in the world, let us help you identify your personalized road map for success in helping you spread positive psychology in the science of flourishing around the world.

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology with The Flourishing Center podcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn about heart rate variability and this powerful measure of the body's resilience. Life Hack—Build heart rate variability with breathing exercises. Practitioner’s Corner—Meet Jillian Guinta, she supports her community and takes a positive psychology-based approach to trauma. Learn more about The Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya:  Hello everyone, and join me today in welcoming Jillian Guinta. She's coming to us live from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. She is a trauma recovery coach and teacher of therapeutic yoga. She's also a trained positive psychology practitioner from us here at The Flourishing Center. Welcome, Jillian. It is so great to have you here. Jillian:  Emiliya, it's great to be on with you today, as well. Thanks so much. Emiliya:  So tell us, Jillian: What brought you to this work? What brought you to positive psychology? Jillian:  Positive psychology, to be perfectly honest, was not on my radar. I was actually enrolled in a doctoral program when I found out about CAPP. I found out actually on a date with a really nice guy who had gone through the program, and as he was describing the program to me, I'm like, "Oh, man! That sounds so much more interesting than what I'm doing right now in grad school. And the tides in my life shifted, and the next semester I opted not to enroll in my university work and I went ahead and registered for CAPP. So it was really serendipitous to have met this person at all and then to have gone through the same program. Emiliya:  That's awesome. I love that, I love that. I love that it must have just been a really great date conversation, as well, to be sharing insight about well-being. So tell us: What does your application of positive psychology look like? Jillian:  So, right now, I am using positive psychology in my work. I work one-on-one with clients that have gone through traumatic experiences, and then it informs my yoga as well because traumas will often get locked in the body, and so to be able to coach someone through using some of the skills that we've learned together such as habit change and things of that nature have been really instrumental in helping these people make the changes in their lives as they start to come up for them at different points in their experience. Emiliya:  That's awesome. Tell us more about your background. Before you came to positive psychology, you were heavily involved in the fitness industry, right? Jillian:  I was. I was actually a personal trainer for many years. I actually have memories of being 10 years old at the grocery store with my mother and saying, "I want to be a personal trainer when I grow up," and she goes, "What's that?" I'm like, "I don't really know, but it looks like they have fun and they're in shape." So I got that start towards the end of my college experience at Rutgers University in New Jersey. I stayed with that for quite some time. I ended up going, uh, switching careers in my early 20s and I went into a master's program for education and started to just parse through the different backgrounds that I was experiencing and kind of coming into my own, really unsure about where I wanted to be in the world. And it was about that time in my mid-twenties where, you know, God or spirit, the universe--whoever--really upped my challenges, and I had some difficult issues, some traumas of my own that I had to work with. And I eventually found my way into yoga, then into a yoga program that was specifically for therapeutics, and we covered healing trauma. So I was able to then guinea pig these ideas and these different skills on myself and monitor my own healing. And then, having gone through the CAPP Program gave me a lot more confidence to go out into the world. Prior to that, I hadn't done anything that would equip me with too many coaching skills. I had a sales background and personal training and I had learned how to do motivational interviewing in my yoga training. But there was still a big disconnect in knowing the most appropriate ways to speak to clients that have gone through really troubling events. The positive psychology work really helped me to refine those skills that I wanted to have but that I didn't have yet. Emiliya:  Beautiful, Jillian, thank you so much for sharing that. Many of our listeners may not be familiar with some of the concepts because they're more research-based in positive psychology and traditional psychology, so can you tell us more about motivational interviewing? Jillian:  So motivational interviewing is sitting with a client or someone who has yet to become a client and kind of sifting through the things that are pulling them forward and also the things that are holding them back. So for someone who is a prime candidate for motivational interviewing, they might be a little ambivalent to change. They're not quite comfortable where they are but it's familiar and they're not sure if they want to go forward--often because they don't see the pathways. So through the process of motivational interviewing and coaching them and finding out--What are the things that motivate them?, What are the things that they're seeking?, gauging their present level of commitment or willingness--you're able to then ask them different questions to help them see the pathways of how the change might be possible. Emiliya:  Thanks, Jillian. I am so happy you pointed out the word "ambivalent" because one of the things I feel like I've learned the most from using motivational interviewing for over a decade now is that when people are not making a change, oftentimes they'll blame themselves. They'll think, "Oh I'm not motivated enough" or they'll just feel stuck and they don't really know why they feel stuck, but recognizing that part of motivation is not just the fact that they want to do something or don't want to do something--it's that there might be something that is pulling them in two directions, like "on the one hand, I want to start exercising, but when I exercise my knee hurts more. And so I'm in this stuck place. Do I exercise or do I make my knee hurt?" Or, when it comes to people making changes to their body, you'll see things like, you know, hiring a personal trainer has always been on their to-do list as maybe the last possible thing that would work for them, because so many things haven't worked. And the fear that comes with trying the last thing that they haven't tried yet--and what if that doesn't work?--is part of the reason that sometimes people don't start something. Because there's this fear. So I think it's such an important thing for people to hear that motivational interviewing is this really great approach of asking questions and reflective listening that does help people get motivated--but some of the ways in which it gets people motivated is by working through that ambivalence that they may feel of being pulled in different directions. Jillian:  Absolutely. It can get really challenging when you're about to make a big scary change. There is always something that's going to be willing to pop up in your face and say, "Hey, this is going to scare the pants off of you." And then you need to see why it's there and what you need to learn from it. Because ultimately we do want to change and grow and evolve. And I'm saying that as a blanket statement because I believe that to be true. But maybe we'd rather not have so many obstacles in the way. Emiliya:  Speaking of big scary changes you've made a lot of big scary changes in your life. Tell us about some of them. Jillian:  Oh wow. Yeah, I actually just a couple of days ago had my six month anniversary of being in a brand new city and a brand new state. I was born and raised in New Jersey and I recently moved down to Baton Rouge, Louisiana in kind of a whimsical way. I was doing a lot of journaling at that point in my life. It was after a breakdown of my marriage that had gone from a very healthy relationship to a very unhealthy relationship. A lot of negative patterns had emerged in me and it was time to lay that aside and work on myself and grow something new. So about a year after the separation from my husband, I was writing in my journal just asking for guidance, saying, "Where do you want me to be? What am I supposed to be doing? Who am I supposed to be helping?" And the next morning, I woke up and a news cast was on about Baton Rouge. Then I hear my dad playing a song that mentions Baton Rouge. And we live right on the border of New York City--we're not listening to a lot of music that references Baton Rouge, Louisiana! And then I would see it different places. And so I took that as a nudge from my own intuition saying, "Go here! See what this place is like." I'd only visited Baton Rouge once and it was totally boring. I actually said at the airport, "Oh well, I'm never coming back here. See ya!" And lo and behold, one year later, I was packing up my little white Elantra and grabbing the things that I thought I would need--which really just consisted at that time of clothing and books--and drove down the east coast and cut across Georgia and eventually made it to Baton Rouge, and made myself a little home here. So it's been six months. I arrived in March 2017, and since then, it's really been very divinely guided that I've been meeting the people that I was intended to meet--the ones that would help me in my journey. I have had lots of positive interactions with people. It's quite different from where you and I are from, Emiliya. It is a progressive city in the south but it doesn't compare to the level of resources that we have in New York. They don't have many folks that are doing trauma recovery. They don't have anyone that's doing positive psychology. Even advanced teacher trainings for yoga are few and far between. A lot of yoga teachers who would need to travel out of state to get some additional information and training. So it felt very much like an affirmation that I was in a place where I'm going to be used. And that's been a really exciting shift in my life. What was really frightening for me was leaving this home town where I grew up. Although I had traveled extensively, I hadn't lived anywhere else, but I kept coming back to the thought that if you're following your intuition, you're going to probably be fine. So here I am, six months later, with a brand new life. Emiliya:  I can't tell you, I'm like, I have chills and I feel so positively choked up for you because I'm celebrating this vision I have that you listened to the call. You picked up the call and that coming from a place in the New York/New Jersey region, we have a lot of need for so many things--but we do have a lot of people who have access. You can find a yoga class. You can find someone who does trauma work. You can find positive psychology practitioners. And I almost get the sense that the hearts and souls of these people who are ready to change were calling to you, and you picked up the call--and I celebrate that so much for you because you've got so many tools to offer them, so many skills that most people are just not aware even exist. And when they get them, it's like drinking water when you're thirsty. Such an honor. Jillian:  Great, thank you so much. I'm really excited. I'll be offering a training down here to yoga teachers, and I have some social workers showing up, as well as psychologists--yoga for trauma. It's an eight hour intensive in just a couple weeks. And I'm really excited. They're really excited. I've been making sure that my science is on point so I can deliver it well, and lots of people are going to heal--I feel that deeply--as a result of just sharing the information that we have access to. Emiliya:  Can you give me an example of some of the positive psychology that you find to be most helpful? So you talked about how you share the science of habit with some of the clients that you work with. What are some of the other positive psychology concepts and skills that you find really help people? Jillian:  I actually got to run one of our positive psychology Flourishing Skills Groups down here, and one thing that I noticed for me in my relationships was covering ACR--which is active constructive responding--has been huge for me. It's something that my clients and my friends and acquaintances in my group were really excited about bringing into their personal lives--celebrating the good things that happen in life, without too much of a context for people needing praise, but just enjoying the things that happen because if we look at all these small details, there's a lot that we can celebrate. So the active constructing constructive responding has been something really wonderful that we absolutely love down here. I have enjoyed doing "best possible future self" with people, and reframing mind chatter has been really helpful for everybody. Everyone has that--several voices in their heads, and they're telling us all different information, so we need to know what's coming up. If we don't fully realize why our mind chatter is, we can't work with it. It's the process of tuning enough to become aware of the subconscious and then working with it consciously. So those are a couple of my favorites. Emiliya:  Wow. Thank you, Jillian. And those of you listening, I'll just review some of the things that Jillian just said because those are awesome positive psychology exercises and interventions. Active constructive responding was a research topic that was uncovered by Dr. Shelly Gable and she recognized that we have a choice in how we can react to people's news. People often react to people's bad news by going, "Oh my gosh, what happened? Tell me more." And we get very granular in our asking for details in our curiosity when negative things happen, when bad things happen. But when positive events happen, those of us who have people in our lives that just go, "Oh that's great, congratulations, that sounds awesome" are responding in a positive way, but we can amplify that positivity by getting really curious and go, "Wow, tell me more. What enabled that?" And she found that the number of people that an individual has in their life that would help them celebrate their positive news and savor with them and be happy with them--not just happy for them, but genuinely happy with them--is a greater predictor of their well-being, whereas being silently supportive or the ways in which sometimes the people in our life are well-meaning and they want to support us, but you tell them things like, "Guess what, mom! I'm moving to Baton Rouge, Louisiana!" and they go, "Are you crazy? How are you going to leave your job? You don't know anyone down there!" and they give you all the negatives before first hearing out, "Wow. What makes you want to go there, and what is it about that that's exciting to you? What made you come to that and what possibilities are there for you?" and then being able to say, "Have you considered that you don't have a job there lined up for you and you don't actually know where you're living?" So the idea behind active constructive responding is savor and celebrate first. And it's an awesome, awesome intervention. And the other two that Jillian mentioned: best possible selves--which I would imagine, Jillian, is really powerful for people who are recovering from trauma or have recovered from trauma but just because you've recovered from trauma doesn't mean that you've built a vision of who's the person that you want to be--so the best possible future self is about giving people the space to think about how they want to be in the world and write about it and visualize themselves at their best. What would it be like if I met my goals? What would it be like if I felt the way that I want to feel? And then the last one that Jillian mentioned... I totally forgot! What did you mention as your last one? Jillian:  It was reframing mind chatter. Emiliya:  Reframing! I had to reframe my mind chatter and how I'm going, "What am I thinking? I can't remember what she just said." But I actually want to celebrate that moment for me because before I learned positive psychology, Jillian, I would have been like, "Emiliya, you're an idiot. How did you just forget what she said just a few moments ago?" But luckily, my brain didn't say that, and I had a permission-to-be-human moment. So reframing mind chatter. Jillian, when you give people some examples, what are some of the ways that they can reframe their thoughts? Or what type of thoughts should they be on the lookout for that are worth reframing? Jillian:  So, the ones that you're going to look out for the most--you can think of it almost like being at a picnic. If you have one little ant come by, not a big deal. But when a whole bunch of ants come by, that's kind of a big deal--especially in Louisiana because we have red ants and they bite! And I found that out the hard way. So when you start to notice repetitive negative thoughts that are making blanket statements about you or blanket statements about the world that are saying, "You're a bad person" or "You're so irresponsible" or whatever it happens to be. You referenced memory. I have also gone through memory issues. It's very common for folks that have gone through traumas in their life to struggle with short term memory. So something that might come up for them is like, "You're so dumb! You can't remember anything. Like, you may as well be 100 years old." Not a helpful thought--that's not going to be something that helps you improve your memory. So a reframe around having a lackingness in your short term memory might be: "I struggle to remember, but it's something that I'm working on every day" or "I forget things frequently, and so I use my calendar to remind myself." Things like that, that take something that could be a negative--maybe not always a negative, but could be a negative--and make it either neutral or a positive or something that's already being observed would be an appropriate reframe. We don't need to go from "You're so dumb" to "You're the smartest person on earth." It needs to be a believable and helpful reframe. Another one that I have struggled with is "You're so irresponsible." My "You're so irresponsible, Jillian" then becomes "You took a great risk and you are rebuilding parts of your life." That would be a neutralizing thought that counters this highly negative one of being an irresponsible person in the world. It's not true. So these couple of reframes and many, many other ones have been ones that I've used in my own personal life. They come up for my clients and for my students, as well and we'll continue to use them and will continue to reframe until we no longer need to--until we've either healed that area or have done enough of the healing that that's no longer our focus. Emiliya:  Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing those, Jillian, and it's so powerful to just remember that we can doubt our doubts and we can judge our judgments. And so many of us just walk around with our thoughts just going amuk. And so thank you for those really specific ways that we could address our mind chatter. Jillian, I'm curious if you can close us off with any words to live by that you feel are your mottos in life or your guiding philosophies. Jillian:  My guiding philosophy right now--ah, this is such a great question. One thing I've been tinkering with and trying as often as possible to implement is an intervention for my own worry. And that intervention is just to say, "Don't worry about the how." Don't worry about how it's going to come. Get clear on what you want and start playing with ideas. Worry is not going to be something that's helpful unless it's a very short term problem. But you can always look for pathways, so don't worry about the how. The how will happen if it's something that you truly desire. Emiliya:  Beautiful, Jillian. Thank you so much. And one more question. What does it mean in your heart and in your eyes for people to flourish? Jillian:  In my heart, when I see and acknowledge people that are flourishing, they are taking it one day at a time. They are staying present for what's coming up for them. They are moving forward courageously and to the best of their ability. They're perhaps not always 100 percent happy 100 percent of the time because we are humans and we get to be participants in a whole range of human emotions. But these flourishing people that I see in the world are the ones that are staying present and engaging with whatever comes up and letting it wash right past them when it's over. So that's what flourishing is to me. Emiliya:  Thank you so much, Jillian. Learn more about Jillian's work at jillianguinta.com. Here is how you, too, can create a career out of helping people thrive. Learn more about how to teach and spread positive psychology to your organizations and communities by visiting our website: www.theflourishingcenter.com. Thanks for listening, and until the next episode: may you be well, may you be happy, may you feel fulfilled.

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology with The Flourishing Center podcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—Learn how behavioral synchrony impacts how people feel as result of being immersed in a group. Life Hack—Learn what science tells us about how to get in the zone. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn more about the project Happier By The Minute. Learn more about The Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya:  Hello everyone, with me today I have Stacey Yates Sellar. She is creator of Happier by the Minute. She's also a graduate of our positive psychology certification course that she did in San Francisco, California and she's also a graduate of our coaching certification program. Stacey is the mother of two gorgeous boys and the wife of a cool, hot, Scottish dude, as she describes him. Stacey:   I manifested. I totally manifested him. Emiliya:   Stacey it is so great to have you with us. Thank you. Stacey:   Thank you so much. I also did the Flourishing Skills workshop too. Whatever I can take, I take from The Flourishing Center because it is just ... There's so many great things. It is like an a la carte menu that has everything you could ever want. Emiliya:  Thanks Stacey. So, Stacey tell us, what is Happier by the Minute? Stacey:  Well, it's funny because it started as my class project in my CAPP course, which I stumbled upon as I was asking the universe to send me guidance and surround me with like minded people and help me figure out what my next iteration of myself is. I came across the CAPP class and then I took it really because at the end you have to do a project that says how you are going to deliver this to the world, the positive psychology. When I started the course I was like, "Oh I have no idea, but I'm going to do it anyway." Then of course by the end, I came up with this idea being a busy mom with a full time career running a pretty big multi-million dollar, multi-location business, I realized there's a lot of busy people out there and so I decided to create Happier by the Minute, which is little one minute videos with tools of positive psychology, that are free online and I will build from there, but that's how it started. It's just get it out there quickly and easily for people who are super busy. Emiliya:  I love that. Thank you Stacey. Tell us more about your background and what brought you to positive psychology? Stacey: Oh my goodness. I have been a searcher of "it," I used my air quotes, I would say all my life. People will be really, really surprised to know that I have a lot of depression in my family and that I was really depressed and have a lot of anxiety and insecurities in high school. I was always searching and before there were TED Talks and YouTube, there were those cassette programs from Dale Carnegie, and Earl Nightingale, Zig Ziglar, and of course Napoleon Hill, and so I was always reading and searching and it just has always been part of my life. Then I felt like, when I found the CAPP course, it definitely was like, "Ahhh, that's it. All the stuff I've been studying is actually under a name called positive psychology and it's all under one roof." It was really amazing to find that course and have it accessible to me as opposed to going to get the masters. Emiliya:  Awesome Stacey. Before you even came to this, you'd been an entrepreneur for many years as well right? Stacey:  I have. I am my own lesson in failure's okay. I've tried all kinds of different ways, with writing a book and doing a cable show, when cable was before again YouTube, and a radio show. Those things never quite clicked but in the meantime, as it does, life happened. I created a career in helping some other people building a really great business. Within that business I was really able to really do a lot of coaching and development for teams. So it's always been there. It's always been in my daily life. It's just kind of all coming together now. I'm just a late bloomer. Emiliya:  Beautiful Stacey, and how are you using positive psychology now? Stacey:  In my personal life it's changed so much in my relationships with my family, how I work with my kids, certainly at work, with my husband, but then how I want to deliver it is really exciting in putting together the videos and then I have an Instagram page where I try to give happiness hacks through what I'm doing in my daily life. So, it's really real and relevant. I do workshops for ... I have a child with special needs so I do a yearlong workshop in the district for other moms with special needs. I also teach a class at an alternative school here for teenagers about how to start using the skills of positive psychology now, early on, while they're in the height of when they need it the most. Everywhere. It touches me and I try to be a distributor of positive psychology as much as possible. Emiliya:  Yeah. You're definitely, Stacey, on our 5i change agent inventory, an inventor. Someone who digests and designs and disseminates positive psychology and you invent experiences for people, be it through the ability to watch your videos or interact in your classes or to read what you've written. It's such a great example of, you're a creator, you're an inventor. Stacey:  Thank you. That is the greatest compliment that you could give me. I just think of all the strength finders and the VIA institute, getting the values in action and knowing what my strengths are has helped me a lot. Yeah, and I want to invent even more ways. My next idea that I'm putting together right now is to create a weekly happy huddle. One thing that I know for sure is that it takes practice and consistency. While I love doing workshops and I love doing a little one minute video, I also know that you've got to create some habit of consistency around it and so I'm going to put together just a little half and hour phone call where people can call in weekly, they can choose a different time, and they can call in to this group call where for about 15 minutes we talk about a skill and a tool, maybe we even do it on the call because sometimes I can give you the idea, but you won't actually go do it. We're going to talk about gratitude and then for five minutes we're going to write a gratitude letter and then it will be open for questions where people can really talk about things that they're struggling with and other people can learn from it. You can just come every week for half an hour to kind of get your boost of happiness or positive psychology to just sort of keep it consistent. I think of it sort of like an AA meeting for positivity. Emiliya:  I love that Stacey. I remember when I was first starting off as a coach, one of my clients, one of my positive psychology coaching clients had come to me and said in this moment of what she seemed to express as shame, she said, "You know Emiliya, I sometimes go to AA meetings, but I don't have a drinking problem. I actually don't drink. I just really appreciate the community and just being able to go somewhere where you just hear other people's stories and can feel like you connect to people." That was my first moment of going, "Oh my Gosh. That's so true. We don't have places in our communities where we can go to where you just want to connect with other people and that we have to pathologize something being wrong before people are able to get this kind of group support." Stacey:  Isn't that interesting? I think about it and I wanted to do this. It's always been a desire in the back of my mind in that I've wanted to create this place where people could go because I struggle with going to church every week because there isn't a church where we just can go and sit around and talk about positivity and not attach it to anything. So, I've sort of always had this in the back of my mind and with technology today, it's made it so much easier for people to connect, that we can do it virtually. So now I'm super excited about creating this virtual place where people can come live and just connect. Even they don't have to show themselves or anything. They can just listen in. They can get the past episode. Again, the more you feed your brain the positive stuff, it kind of crowds out the negative stuff is what I think. Emiliya:  Absolutely. What are some of the different positive psychology practices that are your favorites? Stacey:  I've been doing vision boards for a very long time. Gosh I would say 15 years. I took a course at some workshop and was introduced to them long before The Secret. Actually, I knew about The Secret before Oprah did. Emiliya:  Now that's a secret. Stacey:  Exactly. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan of, "What you think about you bring about." Certainly that. I'm a big fan of primers, which I kind of think of what a vision board is, but attaching something to another activity, a habit that you do all the time. So, thinking of five things that you're grateful for every time you brush your teeth. I'm a big fan of post-it notes around the house, on the refrigerator like, "You are amazing. You're more beautiful than you know." I also certainly, the one, the biggest, the greatest, the all-time, if you could do anything that's going to change your life, is just gratitude. I started that practice when I was in a little 600 square foot apartment in debt, injured, single, miserable, overweight, and I just was in bed going, "You know what? I just have to start." It was, "I'm grateful that I have a bed to sleep in. I'm grateful that I have a refrigerator and it has food in it." Then, my life has just exponentially grown to where I just have so much to be grateful for, so I use those opportunities to talk about how much I'm grateful as much as I possibly can Emiliya:  Thank you Stacey. I'm curious. I know that you've been through so much in your life, what are some obstacles that positive psychology has helped you overcome? Stacey:  That is a really good question. I think the biggest one is the negative mind chatter and having a growth mindset. I'm a big fan of Carol Dweck and I use that with my kids, but I also use it in my own, just my negative mind chatter and really challenging that. Certainly I watched the positive psychology course from Harvard that Tal Ben-Shahar taught, which anybody can watch and it's really amazing, but his permission to be human has really helped me forgive myself for when I'm frustrated or angry, but you know what? It's the human condition and I think that, that is one of the most helpful things in knowing, is accepting our human-ness. Emiliya:  Earlier you mentioned that you also work with your own son with special needs and that you support parents in doing the same. I'm curious, what within our skillset has been helpful for you because this is typically an area that we don't see a lot of when it comes to positive psychology, traditionally? Stacey:  I think, one of the biggest challenges for parents with kids with special needs is that they spend so much time on their children and getting them the right services that they need and support that they need and it's really a battle. You have to know so much. It's a lot to navigate and we have a lot of support groups in how to navigate an IEP and how to work with the school and how to get great services. What we don't have is, or what I found is, we didn't have the support to rebuild ourselves and refuel ourselves. So, I made it clear early on that this group was not about our kids directly, but it was about how to build up our own strengths and refuel ourselves to be able to serve them better and help them. It really is where we talk about the strengths of the moms and where they are at their best and reminding each other of all of the great things were doing even in a day where everything seems to go wrong, we're still doing a great job. So, it's really just trying to remind them that even when it's hard, they're doing amazing. Emiliya:  Anything else that's on your mind in the field of positive psychology today or how you're applying positive psychology that you'd love for our listeners to learn? Stacey:  Again, I think that it's the consistency. I think TED Talks are such a gift. You know that's how I found positive psychology, stumbling on Marty Seligman's talk, certainly Dan Gilbert and his talks on stumbling on happiness and Angela Duckworth on grit now. There's just so many really great talks and if I were going to give one piece of advice to somebody that really is saying, "I want to make a change and I want to grow," I'd say replace the things in your life that aren't adding really great value emotionally and psychologically. For example, I used to spend a lot of time watching Real Housewives, okay I admit it, but I replaced that time with these TED Talks and with the books on happiness or watching the Harvard class from Tal Ben-Shahar and it really changes you because your time is the most valuable thing that we have and our attention is just ... There's so much noise out there in the world. So, to quite that noise or change what the noise is that's coming in, to positivity and positive things that you can do to improve your life, it literally will change your life. So, just surround yourself with it. Honestly, the minute you start looking at positive psychology and the books and the TED Talks and the courses, it's like drinking water from a fire hose. There's just so much great stuff. I mean like, really, I just want to quit my job, move to an island in Bali where I can just study all the time because there's so much great stuff and you just keep digging at it and just keep it playing in your head. Emiliya:  I love that Stacey. I can see your character strengths of love of learning and curiosity and interest in the world just pouring on out of you. Stacey:  Yeah and I love, again, in translating it. I am not the first. There's a million people out there doing it, which is awesome, and I try to go on Instagram and whenever I find other people that are change agents, either through affirmation cards or their art or any way that there's just so many people out there doing it and we just need to go find them and keep building them up and supporting them and saying, "Yay, we just are going to keep sending out that vibe and we're all going to touch different people in different ways." I live in a world where everybody wins, so it's so great to have so many change agents out there. I love that word that I'm pretty sure you came up with, but I love it. Emiliya:  Thanks. I definitely didn't come up with it, but we definitely integrate it. One of the things I want to highlight in what you just said there, Stacey, is that so many people who are inventors on our model, one of the challenges that they can sometimes go through is that they are so passionate, they love this information, and by definition, because we love to share, we also love to learn. To teach is to learn and so because inventors are constantly loving to take in information, they also can get stuck, because one of the things that can happen is they take in so much information, that they think to themselves, "One, where do I start? I don't even know where to begin, there's just so many good things out there that I want to share." They get information constipation, where there's so much that they want to share with people. That's why I love how you've really taken to heart, the understanding that, "I'm going to keep it simple. Happier by the Minute. Little digestible chunks at a time," which is so important because people can get so overwhelmed by just the quantity of information that's out there that they want to share with the world. Then the second, is what you said around how inventors can get stuck because they think to themselves, "Well it's already been done. There's already a TED Talk on this and Barbara Fredrickson talk's about that." They key to being a successful inventor is recognizing that while, yes, other people might have been expressing this topic, you are still unique in how you express it or the specific audience that you want to bring this too. So, focusing on moms of children's of special needs or focusing on high school students that are going on into transition and focusing in much more specific ways is so important to being a successful inventor and actually getting this work out into the world. Otherwise, what happens is, people just hold on to it and they're likely to just keep it to themselves without ever having shared it. Stacey:  100% and I am totally guilty of this. You definitely, there is so much information and there's so many great people, that there is a, "Where do I fit in?" We've talked about it in positive psychology calls and workshops, is this impostor syndrome too, that, "Who am I to talk about this? I don't have a PhD, I didn't go to Harvard, I didn't get my masters from Marty Seligman." I'm absolutely guilty of that, which is a great opportunity to use my positive psychology tools to say, "That's okay. There is a place for everyone." It really is, I use it every day and then I also have the challenge of, "Do I do webinars? Do I write a book? Do I do workshops? Do I teach this in businesses? To kids? To moms?" That really is a real challenge where I think tapings that have come out of The Flourishing Center that are really helpful, is one, coaching. So either using a coach, and I met so many great people in the coaching class that we help each other. So, you definitely need support. You need someone to hold you accountable and help you get curious. Part two is just to have an attitude of yes. Just start with yes. Some of these things are just coming to me and the mom's of the kids ask me to put on the group and then the school found me and asked me to do the talk. I just say yes and say, "Which one starts feeling like me?" And, "Which one felt great? Which one do I want to expand on?" Just have that attitude of yes and get curious and have a bias to action as they say in designing your life. Just say yes and do lots of different things and then it will get clear. Emiliya:  Beautiful Stacey. Thank you so much. If people wanted to find out more about who you are, what you're up to, how they can continue to learn from you, where would they find you? Stacey:  HappierbytheMinute.com so it's super easy. Instagram is HappierbyMinute, somebody else has HappierbytheMinute, they stole my thing, but they can find me on Instagram and Facebook, but Happier by the Minute is where you can find me and hopefully lots more fun things to come. I'm just so, so grateful to The Flourishing Center and I'm not trying to do this plug for you, you can edit it out, but I really am just so grateful that you just opened me and thousands of other people to this world that is just changing lives. You've touched me and then I touched five people and they touched five people. It definitely has an amazing rippling effect. So, thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you're doing. Emiliya:  Aw, thank you Stacey and thank you for what you're doing. Together we're working to make the world a better place and there's a lot of need out there, so we just all keep doing our own part and thank you for doing yours. So much love to you Stacey, look forward to connecting with you and thank you for being our guest. Stacey:  Oh, my pleasure. Thank you. Emiliya:  Visit www.HappierbytheMinute.com to learn more about Stacey and her projects in getting positive psychology out to the world. Curious how you too can become a positive psychology practitioner? Check out our website, TheFlourishingCenter.com and check out our Certification in Applying Positive Psychology Program. We're located in 12 cities across the U.S. and Canda as well as online internationally. We'd love to share this information with you and help you spread Flourishing to others.

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology with The Flourishing Center podcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life.​ What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—How getting Facebook likes can affect our happiness. Life Hack—Learn how to find your purpose in life. Practitioner’s Corner—Learn how a University is helping their students thrive. Learn more about The Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: Emiliya:  Hello everyone and join me in welcoming Diana Brecher. She is coming to us live from Toronto, Ontario, and she is a clinical psychologist and scholar in residence for positive psychology at Ryerson University. She's been integrating positive psychology into her work, and I'm so excited for you guys to hear more about the delicious things she's up to in the world. So Diana, thank you so much for taking the time to be here with us. Diana:  It's a pleasure. I'm so happy to be here. Emiliya:  Diana, tell us, what brought you to this work? Diana:  Well, I've been working in the university setting in the counseling center at Ryerson University since 1991, so it's 27 years since I started here and I've been working with students in distress that whole time, up until about a year and two months ago. And what I found was that I was able to really make a difference in these students' lives, but what I wanted to do, was I wanted to move upstream. I wanted to get into contact with these students well before the crisis emerged. And so I became really interested in positive psychology because I think that's a field of research and practice that really shows us that if we front-load a lot of skills and attitudes and behaviors early on, that kind of 40 percent that Sonja Lyubomirsky talks about that's under our control, we can make a huge difference in terms of our capacity to thrive and to flourish. So I became interested in learning those skills so that I could teach them to my community, being students, faculty, and staff in the university. Emiliya:  That's beautiful, Diana. One of the things that excites me so much is that so many psychology students go through university training and they rarely ever get to hear about positive psychology, because they spend so much of their time studying the basics of psychology, which of course is important, but I can't tell you the number of undergraduate students I've met that either ... maybe they finally heard about positive psychology their very last semester of college, or haven't heard of it at all, so it's so exciting to know that these tools are being given to our young adults and that they're getting the skills so early on, as well as their professors. Diana:  Absolutely. What I decided to do was, when I took the certificate course, certificate in applied positive psychology through the flourishing Center, what really struck me was that one of the foundations of flourishing is resilience. And so I created a five-factor model of resilience, which was the genesis of a training program that I now run for students and faculty and staff. It's a four-week program. It incorporates, I think, some of the best ideas in positive psychology, but I've put them together like pieces of a puzzle and I get people to engage in these skills with the hope that front loading them will allow these individuals to flourish when they do come across really stressful and difficult challenges. Emiliya:  That's awesome, Diana. Can you tell for the audience that's listening ... Some people might not be familiar with the concept of resilience. So, what, in your eyes, is resilience and in particular, what are the kind of things that you see that faculty in the schools and the students needing to be resilient around? Diana:  Well, I think of resilience as ... if you think of five pieces of a puzzle with mindfulness being the heart of it, so the capacity to be in the present moment, then gratitude for the good things in our life and our capacity to notice possibilities and engage in them. Optimism, which allows us to frame experiences in such a way that gives us the energy to bounce back, self compassion, really based on the work of Kristin Neff, looking at being your own best friend, and seeing your suffering in context. And then finally grit and resilience, so Angela Duckworth's work in grit around persevering, around obstacles, and having passion for very long-term goals, and at the same time, I've borrowed from Christine Padesky's work, who's a clinical psychologist in building a personal model of resilience, which is attending to the strategies and attitudes that we use when we persevere doing something we love to do, and transferring those same skills when we're encountering a challenge. So the second part of your question was what kind of challenges do students experience? Well, they're huge. They could be academic challenges because they may be unprepared for the demands of their program, or it may be life circumstances completely outside of their college or university experience, but they're simply not prepared to deal with a fire in their apartment building, their parents getting divorced, going through a serious breakup, dealing with health concerns, managing being far away from home as an international student. All kinds of stressors can come in, plus life events, like experiencing a clinical depression or an anxiety disorder, or a trauma where you do need a lot of help to bounce back. But sometimes, people postpone the help-seeking behaviors so long that it becomes a huge crisis by the time they get help. So I'm trying to teach people the strategies to manage things early on, to nip them in the bud so that they don't need crisis intervention because they've actually bounced back along the way. Emiliya:  I love that, Diana. Thank you so much for both walking us through your model and sharing some of those specifics. I think that one of the things I found in speaking about resilience and teaching resilience skills in our programs and others, is that I find that resilience becomes this buzzword that people want. Of course, you want to be resilient and we want organizations to be resilient, but so few people recognize that it's actually a skill set and it's made up of these micro level skills and that we could break it down and we could teach it and we could workshop it and we could train these muscles and when you train all of these different factors, they're all important pillars, you do get more resilience and I think the thing that's held people back from recognizing that resilience is something that they can increase, is that resilience is what is the outcome of all of these other factors that we work on building. Diana:  Exactly. And alongside of that, because it's ... you know I work in a very large university. There's 35,000 students. There's no way I'm going to personally interact with each one of them. What I did was I created a workbook, which I've called, Cultivate Your Happiness, A Thrive RU Weekly Workbook. Thrive RU is the title of the program that I'm running because RU stands for Ryerson University and what I did was I thought about the challenges of the academic term for both the fall and winter terms and came up with a weekly exercise for each of the 13 weeks of the term. Based on what I know about the challenges that students face, and so I'm kind of introducing positive psychology light through just a very simple exercise and a reflection question for each week so that students can play with the workbook like a journal. We've done it as a downloadable pdf, plus a print copy, and they can write all kinds of things in it, but each exercise is something taken from kind of research-validated exercises through Sonja Lyubomirsky, through the mindfulness tradition, through the cognitive therapy tradition, so I've kind of pulled in from whatever seemed most useful for me. And the feedback I've been getting from people who are using the workbook is that it's really changing how they're interacting with their ... kind of dealing with their challenges. They're feeling more resilient. They're engaging in more healthy activities. They're beginning to go, as it was talked about in the course that you taught, going kind of north of neutral. So they're not just going to get by. They're going to thrive. Emiliya:  That's amazing, Diana. Thank you, and I'm curious, what is the reaction from the faculty within Ryerson been, as you've been introducing positive psychology to them? Diana:  Well, you know it's been great because I've been doing it in two different ways. I've been invited into specific academic departments and teaching the faculty the five-factor model of resilience, so we do four sessions together. And then they've been inviting me slowly into the classroom to teach it to their students, so one fashion professor, who teaches a first year introductory course to 150 students, has invited me in for every week of this term, to teach her students about the workbook. So giving more of the background knowledge to the exercises that I've pulled together for that. I've been invited in to do lectures on resilience. I've been invited to work with the student leaders, or student ambassadors, in a particular department. I come in and I do training with them, training with students who work in the residence. And the faculty are basically saying, "We want our students to know this because we want them to do well. And they recognize that doing well academically, in part has to do with how well you're doing personally. And so if someone is unwell, they can't really flourish in a classroom. And so they want those kind of double set of skills. They're being talked about as the academic skills and then the thriving skills. Emiliya:  Diana, I'm so excited about what you're creating, and I'm imagining this ripple and tide effect and thinking how cool would it be to train the university students to be able to teach other students within the university and empower them with the skills to then teach it to others. Diana:  Well, actually, this Saturday coming up, I'm going to the University of Windsor. I'm going to be working with 45 or so mentors, who are student leaders like in maybe their third or fourth year of their degrees, who are going to be working with first year students and teaching them to thrive by incorporating the exercises from my workbook, but by really bringing it to life what I'm doing in the workshop is I'm giving them the background of what the exercise is all about and how to teach it with extra resources and such. And my hope is that as I keep working with student leaders also at Ryerson, that it's going to be almost like a pyramid scheme in the best possible way, where I teach one group of people and then they teach the next group of people. So it's the train the trainer model and it's really exciting to see that roll out where I don't have to be the one person who has all this knowledge, but I'm sharing it with everyone and it's giving it away and then they take it and they own it and they teach it to other people. Emiliya:  The thing that excites me the most about that is that so much of what we're doing is we're teaching skills and sometimes positive psychology can come across to people as that's really nice theory, or that's a good skill to know, but there's only so much life experience you could be going through while you're learning those skills, and so to teach really is to learn. So I'm excited for these students because as they learn these skills, they learn it one level. They learn it first on the head level and they go, "Yeah, that makes sense." And maybe from this massive tool kit of tools that you're offering them, at that point in time in their life, they're only going to be able to use one or two, because they'll be most relevant, but as they start to teach it to others, they have more time with the skills, and they start to embody the skills in a very different way. And so, to teach is to learn and I'm excited that these students are going to get this opportunity to pass the skills on to others. Diana:  Absolutely. We've had an amazingly positive reaction. There's another program that I just launched with a colleague who's a learning strategist. So last March, we invited students who were not in crisis, but not flourishing, kind of that middle ground, languishing, into an eight week program that we call Thriving in Action. And what we did was, each week for two hours, my colleague, Deena Shaffer, would teach holistic learning strategies, and I would teach thriving strategies. And we did it over an eight week period. We had enormous success. We did pre and post tests trying to measure change by self report, by the students in these objective measures, and also subjectively, and what we found was there was a huge shift in the sense of well-being in these students, in part because we were really getting them where they lived. So their context is a university. So if they can do well in an exam, they're going to feel better, and if they are sleeping better and exercising, and becoming more optimistic, and engaging in daily gratitude, they're going to perform much better academically. And so it becomes like this one hand washing the other and the students found that it made an enormous difference. And so we're now running a whole set of ... well this term is going to be three cohorts of students who are self-identified as struggling either academically or personally. And they're going to be coming to the skill-based group. We've made it an eleven week curriculum. We've involved Outward Bound, which is a kind of outdoors, in nature experience around resilience. We've partnered with our athletic center so that students who are taking our program can access any of their exercise classes for free. We're really working at trying to look at the whole person and our hope is that this is really going to be an idea that takes off and that this curriculum is going to be something that others can use. We're hoping to turn it into an e-course. We're kind of working around the pedagogy around that as well. Emiliya:  That's awesome. Thank you, Diana. And Diana, I'm curious. How has positive psychology impacted you, personally? Diana:  It has in the best possible way in that I reinvented my career at a somewhat later stage of a career. You know, 25 years here. I left the counseling center. I was seconded into this new role. I'm now in the second year of this work, and what I'm finding is that I'm flourishing because I'm so happy in what I'm doing. The life satisfaction of teaching these skills in this role, thinking about, reading about, and kind of being immersed in positive psychology, has actually become an incredible emotion boost for me. I'm feeling like I'm flourishing because now I know so much about how to do it. So I'm applying it to myself. Emiliya:  And what are some of your favorite ways to put positive psychology into practice yourself? Diana:  Well, I used to meditate periodically, doing mindfulness meditation, but I've become a regular meditator. So, I do that daily. It's really become part of my whole routine, so every morning I do yoga and meditation. I engage in daily gratitude. Three good things are just not enough. There are many more than three, so I really take note of them all day, and it really helps when I'm faced with challenges to remember all of those good things. I've taught myself how to become an optimist. I mean Martin Seligman's work in learned optimism is really the genesis of what I teach people as part of the resilience training and I can do it now. I know how to be more optimistic. Self compassion is something that didn't come that easily to me, but now that I'm teaching it, I'm teaching it to others, but teaching it to myself, so I'm becoming much more self compassionate. And I'm persevering. Not that it takes a lot of perseverance to do this because it's so much fun, but the days are long and I have a lot of commitments, and you have to keep going, and it's easy for me to do that because I get such a sense of meaning from it. And that's one of the things, when I think about PERMA-V, is the meaning that we derive from activities that are in our value system, is incredible. And if you can live your life according to your values, there's nothing better. Emiliya:  Diana, I'm curious if you have taken on any words to live by that are your guiding principles of what helps you show up in the world the way that you want to. Diana:  Really, it's about bouncing back. Life is going to always have challenges before us. And our job is to do more than just cope with that. It's really to bounce back. And so that's what I try to do, is I try to be flexible. I try to be open. I try to be playful. And when these things are challenging, I just remember I have to bounce back. Emiliya:  Thank you so much for sharing that. And the last question that we've been asking people is how do you define in your heart and in your mind, what it means to flourish? Diana:  I think it's really being your best self and giving yourself permission to take the risks that you need to take in order to reach your dreams. Emiliya:  That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Diana. Diana, people would love to learn more about what you're up to, what Ryerson University is up to, this amazing program on thriving that you've created. What are some ways that we can learn more? Diana:  Well, at this point, our website is probably the best place to go, because you can download the workbook from there, I have some tip sheets, and we have some resilience flash cards. We've created some materials. We're going to be updating the website sometime soon, but that's probably a good place to start. So it's basically https://ryerson.ca\thriveru Emiliya:  Beautiful. Thank you so much for being here with us today and sharing your insight, your wisdom, your passion, and some of the beautiful things that you're doing in the world. Diana:  Thank you. It's been a pleasure talking with you, Emiliya. And again, I really have to thank you once again for offering this certificate in applied positive psychology, because it changed my life. And so I really am very grateful. So thank you. Emiliya:  Thank you, Diana. Much love to you. Thank you. Is helping people thrive part of your purpose? If so, visit our website, theflourishingcenter.com, and learn more about how we are training the change agents of the world to turn their passion for helping people into a career where they spread positive psychology through coaching, teaching, and consulting. Thanks for listening and have a flourishing day.

Take a glimpse into the world of applied positive psychology with The Flourishing Center podcast. Each episode includes three sections giving you insights and hacks into living an authentically happy and flourishing life. What you'll learn in this podcast: Science Says—How to make thinking positive thoughts a bit easier. Life Hack—Learn how to control your mind chatter. Practitioner’s Corner—Meet Tara Kennedy Kline, the woman behind the new line of dolls and characters that are teaching positive psychology to children. Learn more aboutThe Flourishing Center Read the interview from the Practitioner's Corner: In a world where games and entertainment for children is going digital, Tara Kennedy Kline is building toys with purpose, meaning and positive psychology teachings! Tara Kennedy Kline is a graduate of the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP) Program. Residing in Philadelphia, PA, she is a parenting advocate, author and creator of the Within Me Now Series of positive psychology toys for children. Here’s our interview: Emiliya: Welcome Tara! Tell us more about what you’ve created and how you got started. Tara: I wanted to give parents and children positive experiences and positive mindsets about themselves. Initially, I thought we would just use the dolls to reinforce positive affirmations that what they needed was within them. Then I realized that within me now was more than just affirmations. Each character could represent a petal in the PERMA-V of the model of well-being that we learned about in the CAPP Program. So, for my graduation project I introduced the six characters: Penny (Positivity), Eva (Engagement), Rusty (Relationships), Max (Meaning), Amber (Achievement) and Violet (Vitality). Each is an 18-inch doll with its own storyboards. The goal was to create an experience for the parent and child, not just tell the story. We encourage the reader to put themselves into that scenario and ask what the person might be experiencing, thinking or feeling. How would they resolve the issue if they were in that person's shoes? My hope is that they will become a part of a Within Me Now Community and that each child will value themselves, recognize their strengths and learn the social and emotional skills that they need to thrive. The characters are diverse and they represent the challenges that children are facing in classrooms that may not have had much attention before. For Eve who represents engagement has Asperger's. So, one of the things that she struggles with is self-regulation and choice and decision making. Through Eva's experiences and scenarios, children can learn to make better choices and their flow. They learn resilience, acceptance and many other positive psychology lessons that help them tackle the real-life problems they experience in school and with their friends and just growing up in general. Emiliya: Wow, these are incredible. What are your dreams for Within Me Now? Tara: My team and I are building a six-week curriculum for Grades K-3 and hope to get the Within Me Now characters into the hands parents, teachers and children all over the world. They are also talking to some major networks about animating Within Me Now into a positive psychology related children's cartoon series. They're even working on a clothing line of T-shirts that say "All the love I need is within me now." Or, "All the courage I need is within me now." Backpacks, journals and many delightful mediums for getting the messages of these lovable and friendly characters into the hands of children. Emiliya: While I know that Within Me Now is a recent endeavor, you’ve been applying positive psychology in your own life and your family for nearly a decade. What are some of the strategies you’ve used? Tara: One of the first things I started to do with my family was a co-operative gratitude journal. Every night, when I would put my kids to bed, I would ask them a few questions and I would answer the questions too. By doing that we got to know each other on an intimate level which is what I think is the basis for all wonderful parenting and child development. We would talk about the five things that we were grateful for that day and then also ask a question about challenges such "what's something that went wrong today that I would do differently if I could do it over?" The ritual planted the seeds to their resilience and growth mindset. Emiliya: What's a message that you'd love to share with others who are passionate about learning and spreading positive psychology? Tara: There is something that's uniquely brilliant about you that will allow you to share it in a way that the people that need to hear it will hear, and it will be something they can only hear from you. So even if you're doubting yourself, or you think your dreams or too big, or not practical enough, go with your gifts. Go with what you love. Someone once told me, "If I'm preaching my message people will turn from me. But if I'm living my message people will follow me." Just live into this message and you will call to you the people that need to hear it from you in your way. Emiliya: What are the self-care practices that nourish you? Tara: I love daily exercise. Just getting on the treadmill every single day. It's something that I had gotten away from, but once I did the CAPP Program and realized the impact that exercise was making on my mood and my brain, I shifted my perspective on movement. I used to hold the belief that I had to exercise to get myself skinny or I had to exercise to make myself look a certain way. Now I exercise make my brain work. I have some of my best ideas when I'm on the treadmill or just walking outside. Also, changing the way that I eat. I can't say I didn't have a can of tortelini for breakfast this morning so it's not a perfect science, but I do find myself making better choices when I have choices to make. That has made a huge difference in my life. The final thing is surrounding myself with people who share my common belief for a more positive community and a more positive environment for my kids. For a long time in my life, I allowed myself to remain surrounded by some really negative people. Once I started doing the CAPP Program and realized how incredible it was to have a tribe of positive and supportive people, I realized how much that was lacking in my life. Before every On Site, I'd find myself so excited in anticipation to see everyone. I realized that I needed to get more of that in my everyday life. It's another reason I'm so passionate about bringing Within Me Now into classrooms. I want classrooms to feel what my classmates and I feel when we study and apply positive psychology. I want them to experience the types of conversations that my family and I have worked to create at our dinner table. And most importantly, I want them to feel the sense of connection to themselves and to one another as they learn life skills that give them strength from the inside out. that way for all students. I want every student in a public school classroom to feel the way we do when a whole bunch of positive psychology students are getting together in a classroom and maybe we don't all agree but we respectfully communicate with each other and we are all more focused on lifting each other up than we are on tearing each other down. Can you speak more about what those are and how you came about having family pillars like when I think about my upbringing I think my family had pillars that we never never actually voiced them. It's sort of like the unconscious family culture that was created but it sounds like you and your family have been conscious and purposeful about what you've created. Emiliya: Rumor has it that in your family, you have pillars that you live by. Can you speak more to how you created that and got your family on board? Tara: Yes absolutely. It's something that I created when my children were younger because I felt like I was constantly having to recite the rules. I think a lot of parents can empathize with that statement. We feel like we're not really role models as much as we are guards or drill sergeants. We spend all day saying, "We don't jump on the sofa," and "We don't poke our brother," and "We don't put things up our nose," and "We don't do this and we don't do that." Children don't set out to break our rules, it's just that we have too many of them. Everything suddenly becomes a rule when you have kids. So what we've established is our family pillars. For example: We are kind and we are respectful. We are honest and we are patient. We are gentle. So if someone was acting in a way that wasn't respectful, instead of saying, "You we don't call people that name," I can say, what you did wasn't respectful or it wasn't. We don't take things from people because that isn't kind, and that's not respectful. We don't yell at people because that's not gentle and that's not patient. Having these family pillars makes it a lot easier to follow the rules. Emiliya: I love that. These pillars also give you and your family an opportunity to recognize, celebrate and appreciate when the pillars are being upheld, instead of only providing feedback to your children when a rule is broken. It's just how we describe the difference between traditional psychology and positive psychology. Traditional psychology was trying to figure out what we shouldn't be doing or how do we treat or prevent disease. Positive psychology identifies what are the behaviors we want and how do we build mental health and well-being. Emiliya: What are some of your “words to live by”? Tara: I have two favorites. “Don’t complain about what you permit.” It’s one of my kick in the butt statements. And the other is, “Seek first to understand.” Emiliya: Any closing thoughts? Tara: Just that we spend most of our lives struggling and going over hurdles. When our kids reach their 30s or late 20s they start grappling with what their purpose is, or what’s going to bring them meaning. Some people tend to think that kids are too young to start asking these questions or that they may not get these types of skills. But they do and they love it. My wish is that we create more opportunities to show children how to find their strengths and their resourcefulness. That they see themselves as whole in their uniqueness and that parents, teachers and kids have vehicles for celebrating what’s right with eachother.

What does it mean to put the science of happiness and well-being into practice? Live Happy is excited to present a series of interviews from our partners, The Flourishing Center, that highlight practitioners making an extraordinary impact in the world by putting positive psychology into practice. As we present you with inspiring human stories, we also want to empower you to put these strategies into action in your own life. Today’s spotlight interview is Louisa Jewell. Louisa brings positive psychology to life through workshops, courses, podcasts and, most recently, her book, Wire Your Brain for Confidence: The Science of Conquering Self-Doubt. She is a facilitator of the Certificate in Applied Positive Psychology (CAPP) Program in Vancouver and Toronto. *** The Flourishing Center: Louisa, you’ve been teaching positive psychology for more than a decade. Many people look at you as a naturally happy and joyful person. Although you have so much happiness and fulfillment today, I know it hasn’t always been that way. Tell us more about what got you to this point. Louisa: About 16 years ago, I was in a very dark place. After four miscarriages, I found myself in a deep depression. My doctor put me on antidepressants, and I was seeing a psychologist. But, I knew if I ever wanted to take control of my own well-being and happiness I was going to need to learn what my psychologist knew. I started researching and discovered there was a scientific study of well-being called positive psychology. I started reading every book I could get my hands on, and I began to put what I was learning into practice. I went on to pursue my master’s degree in applied positive psychology (MAPP) at the University of Pennsylvania, where I studied with the field’s founding father, Dr. Martin Seligman, and many other prominent psychologists. I read hundreds of academic papers and applied everything I learned to myself and my family. The knowledge I gained transformed my life. I have never fallen into a depression since. Even through my most challenging years, I’ve been able to stay healthy with the resilience skills I learned. TFC: Thank you for sharing your journey and reminding us all that resilience is about continuing to move through the obstacles. From your time at the University of Pennsylvania, you went on to found the Canadian Positive Psychology Association (https://www.cppa.ca). How did that come to be? When I am struggling or going through a rough time, I always ask, ‘What would my best friend say to me right now?’ And then I speak to myself in those kind words.” Louisa: It was 2012 and I was one of only three Canadians in the whole country to hold a master’s in positive psychology. Many people had not heard of the field or had misconceptions about it. I wanted to spread the word that positive psychology isn’t just about happiness, it’s about being psychologically strong, reaching higher levels of performance, being resilient in the face of extreme challenges, persevering and bouncing back from failures, building willpower, managing daily moods and more. The CPPA mission is to disseminate the research and applications in positive psychology to all Canadians, to improve their mental well-being and promote positive mental health. Since founding the organization, with the dedicated support of my colleagues, we’ve run several conferences with speakers from around the globe. TFC: In addition to your work with the CPPA, you’ve written a new book. Tell us about it. Louisa: As I was reflecting on all the positive psychology tools I have gathered, the skills with the greatest impact on me were the ones that helped me overcome self-doubt and built my confidence. In time, I started pursuing everything I wanted to do, without feelings of failure or constant negative ruminations. I stopped self-sabotaging, and I embraced the things that challenged me. I realized there weren’t any books out there for the public on self-doubt that were fully research-based, so I wanted to share what I had learned with others who struggled with self-doubt. TFC: That sounds like a great help to people—teaching them to work with their doubts rather than being debilitated by them. Finally, do you have any advice from your new book that you’d like to share? Louisa: I do, and it comes from the concept of self-compassion. When I am struggling or going through a rough time, I always ask, “How would my best friend treat me right now?” or “What would my best friend say to me right now?” And then I treat myself and speak to myself in those kind words. Self-compassion is one of the most important tools you have. Wire Your Brain for Confidence: The Science of Conquering Self-Doubt, launches Sept. 21, along with workshops to help others manage their self-doubt and pursue their most desired goals. Find out more at LouisaJewell.com. Listen to our podcast: Wire Your Brain for Confidence With Louisa Jewell The Flourishing Center empowers people who are passionate about helping make the world a better place by putting the skills and tools of positive psychology into practice and creating sustainable work for themselves in the field. Find out more about the Certificate in Positive Psychology, offered in 12 cities and online.