Mindset

Money doesn’t buy happiness. But what you do with your money can make you happier. Researchers have long been aware of the different levels of happiness brought on by spending money on experiences versus material objects. In a 2010 Cornell study, people who spent money on experiences were more pleased initially and became even happier over time. In contrast, those who spent money on “stuff,” or material goods, often had more negative feelings toward their purchase—they worried they hadn’t gotten a good deal, were unsure if they’d gotten the right item and fell into the trap of comparing what they’d bought to the Joneses. According to Thomas Gilovich, Ph.D., a Cornell professor of psychology, experiences “tend to be experienced, remembered and evaluated more on their own terms, and less in terms of how they compare to alternative experiences.” They become a piece of us, something entirely personal, unlike the objects surrounding us. Going to a baseball game is better for happiness than even getting a signed ball. An event doesn’t decrease in value over time or wear out. Instead, the happiness we get from it grows in our memory. Happiness That Lasts In their September 2014 study, Waiting for Merlot, published in Psychological Science, Thomas and Amit Kumar, a Ph.D. candidate at the university, went a step further. They wanted to see how we can derive even more happiness from our experiences. What they found was that “experiences are kind of rewarding in anticipation as well,” even when you are standing in line. For example, if you’re waiting for symphony tickets, you and the others in line are in a fairly positive state of mind. On the other hand, waiting to buy tangible goods has a whole different vibe—think crowds on Black Friday, full of competition rather thancamaraderie. The period of anticipation is exciting when you are involved with buying an experience, no matter if the purchase is big or small. We actually want to delay consumption of experiential purchases. “Waiting is part of the fun for experiences,” Amit says. Even making dinner reservations can help you anticipate the meal to come, stretching out the exhilaration of the experience. Sharing the trip or dinner with a loved one gives you opportunities to talk about it in the future, strengthening your bond. Choosing Wisely Of course, we can’t spend all of our money doing things; we still have to buy groceries. But, what we can do is “tilt spending a bit more in the direction of experiences,” Amit says. When that tax refund check comes, instead of heading to the mall, consider planning a trip. Because even once your cash is gone, every time you talk about your trip, you’ll get another jolt of happiness. Talk about money well spent!

“Humans are my favorite animal.” This quote came from a graduate student during one of my recent workshops at the University of Pennsylvania. It captures the priorities of a person high in social intelligence. These individuals want to be around other people, interacting and connecting. They may not always agree with each person but they can appear to be just as comfortable with a CEO, a teacher, a young child or a homeless person. They’re quick to see the common humanity that is part of all of us. How about you? Do you have a sense of what makes other people tick? Do you feel you can easily fit into most social situations? Are you closely attuned to your own feelings as well as to the emotions of others? One of the quickest ways to begin expressing your social intelligence is to practice seeing and naming the strengths in people around you. You can use the “learning to SEA” method of strengths-spotting: Spot a character strength: “I see kindness in you…” Explain what you saw: “…because you were giving extra time helping that student after the meeting.” Appreciate and validate the person for the strength: “I appreciated seeing your kindness in action. It was inspiring for how I will try to interact with my employees.” This SEA method is your social intelligence-in-action because you’re observing others, understanding a core part of them and using your social savvy to communicate this with the person. Consider the impact of bringing your social intelligence and strengths-spotting to people in your life. Use it with those you love the most and with those whom you have differences in opinions and beliefs. Social intelligence means to look deeper. Taking time to understand and empathize can have a significant impact. Here are three additional ways you can build your social intelligence in different situations: In one of your relationships, when you find yourself in a relational argument you have been in before, attempt to find at least one positive element in the other person’s comments and opinions. Find a way to bring this into the conversation. At work, make a point to empathize with one of your co-workers who seems to be upset, stressed, or having difficulty with something in their life. Gently ask some questions and check in to see whether they are comfortable sharing with you. Be sure to spend more time listening than speaking and, if appropriate, offer emotional support. At a community outing or just walking around a local park, take notice of someone who seems alone, unhappy, excluded, or cast aside. Use your social intelligence to approach them and start a conversation.

Most of us log almost 30 miles and nearly one hour behind the wheel every day, according to a study from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety and the Urban Institute. But no need to worry, here are a few stress busters to turn the interior of your car into a Zen-filled oasis certain to help you steer clear of a bad mood. Stop Sticking Your Neck Out Micah Mortali, director of the Kripalu Schools of Yoga and Ayurveda in the Berkshire Mountains of Massachusetts, says that people often hold tension in their neck and shoulders, particularly those who sit at a desk or are seated in a car. “They tend to lean forward and stick their chin out or clench their jaw, which causes tension in the neck,” he says. You can let a lot of that go when you’re stopped at a red light, parked or once you’ve switched the engine off by first taking a deep breath, Micah says. As you exhale, let your chin drop toward the chest, gently stretching your neck muscles. On your next inhale, roll your right ear toward your right shoulder and exhale by rolling the chin back to center. Repeat on the left side. Make Your Nose Happy Your nose is connected to your mood, says Rose Heart, a certified master aromatherapist and founder of Los Angeles-based Organic Infusions, the harmony-inspired aromatherapy oils company. “When we breathe in the aroma of essential oils through the nose, they are absorbed into the limbic system which is in charge of regulating our emotions.” A combination of lavender, frankincense and rosemary essential oils alleviates stress by calming the mind while providing the right amount of energy, focus and clarity needed while driving. “This combination will bring balance to the emotions without being overly sedating.” Rose suggests filling a spritz bottle with 10 drops of essential oils and about 1 cup of distilled water and misting the interior of the car before putting it in gear. Just Breathe When a fellow driver cuts you off or rides your back bumper, instead of blowing your top, Micah suggests taking a deep breath. “Taking slow, deep breaths triggers the rest and relaxation response of the sympathetic nervous system, and acts as a kill switch for the fight-or-flight response, which people often experience when they’re stressed,” he says. Your best mood-boosting breathing technique is performed by inhaling slowly for four counts, holding the breath for two counts and exhaling for four counts. “This will help calm the mind and makes the heart pump more slowly and rhythmically,” Micah says. Repeat as needed. Get Twisted Your physical and mental state before you get into your car can have a lot to do with your mood on longer rides. Before heading off, yoga poses that open the spine and hips can help reduce discomfort and stress during the trip, says Mandy Unanski Enright, a registered dietitian nutritionist and yoga teacher based in New Jersey. She recommends reaching your arms high overhead while gently pushing the pelvic region forward to create a slight bend in the back. Follow this by swan diving forward to uttanasana (forward fold) with hands on either side of the feet and knees bent as needed. Grab opposite elbows and let your head hang heavy (ragdoll pose). Shake the head yes and no while letting the hips sway side to side to release tension in these areas. While bending the knees, gently roll up one vertebra at a time. You can also try a seated spinal twist. Sitting in the car before buckling up, bring the left hand across to the right knee or seat edge while looking over the left shoulder. Hold for five breaths, then switch.