Are you a dreamer with a heart of mush or a cold, hard realist?
Romance is a wonderful thing—it infuses spontaneous warmth and passion into a relationship. Most romantic people are in love with love; they get extra enjoyment out of fantasy, idealism and little gestures of endearment.
Pretty much all of us feel romantic when we begin new relationships. Some of us feel more romantic during sentimental times or just for vacations, date nights or anniversaries. Others can infuse their days with romance on a regular basis.
When a couple is on the same page about romance and romantic gestures, it can create a greater bond and be a wonderful route to experiencing more joy together. The question is: How romantic are you?
1. Do you ever create a romantic scene like you'd see in the movies? (Rose petals on the bed or walkway, candles around the room, etc.?)
- As often as possible, I should have stock in a candle company!
- I’ve done my share of romantic scenes.
- Rarely or Never. Those are just clichés.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight?
- Yes, I am all about instant love!
- It could be possible for some people some of the time.
- Not in real life; only in movies.
3. Do you daydream about romantic places or ideas?
- One of my favorite things to do!
- I have had my daydreaming moments.
- I am not a daydreamer; I live in the real world.
4. Do you find yourself emotionally moved by sentimental gestures?
- I am easily moved by sentimental gestures.
- I have my sentimental moments.
- I am not sentimental.
5. Are you into chick flicks? Romance novels? Still watching shows like The Bachelor in hopes of people finding love even though most of the season’s couples have broken up?
- Most of my movie, television and book choices involve romance.
- I sometimes seek out romantic stories and shows.
- I prefer action, adventure, crime…pretty much anything but romance.
6. Do you write poems and love letters to your special someone?
- All the time!
- Maybe on a special occasion or once in a while.
7. Do you use pet names for your partner?
- So often that I rarely call him/her by his/her real name.
- I have moments of using pet names or terms of endearment.
- Not my style.
8. Do you enjoy spooning and cuddling?
- I will take all of the physical affection I can get.
- At convenient and appropriate moments in time.
- I am not much of a cuddler or spooner.
9. Have you brought your partner breakfast in bed?
- It is something I love doing.
- I have before and would again.
- Maybe a granola bar as he/she is headed out the door, but not in bed.
10. Do you plan romantic activities?
- Those are some of the best kinds of activities, so yes!
- I mix in romantic activities with other types of activities.
- Rarely if ever.
11. Do you take initiative in your relationship to be romantic, even if your partner does not?
- Yes, it is a priority for me.
- I will do it if it’s been a while.
- No, it is not all that important or necessary.
12. Do you keep mementos from experiences with your partner, like concert ticket stubs, wine corks and sentimental items from trips?
- I have enough to fill a scrapbook!
- I have a few select items from over the years.
- I am not really into that kind of stuff.
13. Do you know what it is to feel mushy inside?
- Yes, I am a mush ball, and I love that mushy feeling.
- I have my mushy moments.
- Not a pleasant feeling or one I have often.
14. Do you and your partner have a special song together?
- Yes, and I can tell you exactly what it is.
- There are songs that make me think of him/her but nothing official.
- Not really. Some couples do that kind of thing.
15. Would you call yourself a person who is a romantic?
- I am a romantic, and I am proud of it.
- I would say I can be romantic, but I am not sure that I am one.
- I would not describe myself that way.
If most of your answers are A:
You are a person who tends toward romance and being romantic. You like the idea of love, and the gestures and feelings that come with it. You make romantic experiences a priority and feel most fulfilled when you and your partner are creating those experiences. While very romantic people are passionate, creative and often joyful, they can have moments where the fantasy of a situation leaves them disappointed. You are clearly the type of person that will seek out and create romantic experiences. Be careful to communicate your needs and desires and not to be disappointed when your partner or the moment may not be exactly as romantic as you are.
If most of your answers are B:
You have your romantic moments and allow yourself to feel and experience romance. You have been known to initiate romantic activities and would likely welcome a partner who enjoyed these types of gestures. You may make romance a priority during sentimental times, or perhaps you sprinkle little bits of it into various moments in your life.
Ask yourself if you have the right balance in your life of romance, and adjust the amount if you feel that it is lacking or a bit too much for your taste.
If most of your answers are C:
You are someone that either shies away from romance or avoids it altogether. While there is no rulebook that says that romance is a must-do or must-have, it is important for you to ask yourself if life this way is working for you. If both you and your partner are fine with this minimal amount of romance and your relationship is working well, then perhaps you want to leave things as they are. If you or your partner are finding that your relationship could use more romance, or if you believe that your lack of romantic skills or feelings are impeding you from finding a relationship, then you might want to make more of an effort to step up your romantic game while still staying somewhat within your comfort zone. Find romantic gestures that work for your style!
Stacy Kaiser is a licensed psychotherapist, author, relationship expert and media personality. She is also the author of the best-selling book, How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know, and an editor-at-large for Live Happy. Stacy is a frequent guest on television programs such as Today and Good Morning America.