Girl relaxing on grass in the shade

Dare to Be Different This Labor Day

When I was a kid, Labor Day meant the end of the summer. My father was a foreman in a ball-bearing factory. He was never home on a Monday, except for this one. We’d visit our grandparents, have a family picnic and then get home early to lay out our first-day-of-school outfits. The meaning of Labor Day was lost on me. When I became a working adult, Labor Day simply meant a much-needed day off. Back then you had to work a full year before you earned any vacation days. Yet, Labor Day was founded more than 120 years ago with a specific purpose. According to the Department of Labor, the holiday on the first Monday of September was “a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity and well-being of our country.” Unfortunately, Labor Day has transformed into just another shopping holiday. How could something that was so hard-fought turn into something so meaningless? What if this Labor Day you truly unplugged? Why We Don’t Unplug and Why We Need To For many workers around the globe, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. has been replaced with 24/7. From coaching hundreds of business leaders, my co-author, Senia Maymin, Ph.D., and I have found four common reasons why people don’t unplug, even when they have a day off: Feeling anxious about stepping away from work Believing working more will make them more productive Unrealistic workplace expectations Striving to be a perfectionist But, like a muscle, our brains need rest to perform optimally. Don’t Recuperate—Instead Rejuvenate and Reprioritize My coaching clients often tell me that when they do take a day off they need to recuperate, as though work is like an illness or surgery. When we lose interest in people and the things that once brought us joy and happiness, it is our wake-up call that we need to reprioritize, not recuperate. This Labor Day, I challenge you to stay out of the stores and totally unplug. Take a mental health day to honor the American worker instead and reflect upon what’s important to you. What does Labor Day mean to you and how will you spend it? Five Simple Ways to Unplug Cultivate one or more of these healthy mobile phone habits and notice what happens to your overall happiness: Put away your phone for at least one hour every day. Put your phone on sleep mode to trick yourself into thinking your phone is dead. Turn off all social media, text and email alerts. Never, ever put your phone on a table or desktop when having a conversation. Never open an email on your phone (even though you may be tempted to do so) if you know you can’t possibly respond to it in the moment. Curiosity killed the cat.
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Happy worker

U.S. Workers Are Quite Happy, Thank You

Depression rates among U.S. workers are low, and managers and executives are among the least likely to say they suffer from the illness, says a Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index survey released Wednesday.More than 90 percent of U.S. workers in 14 occupation categories say they are not currently depressed or being treated for depression, according to Gallup's telephone surveys conducted throughout 2014 with 73,639 adults.Managers fare even betterAt the managerial level, a mere 3.9 percent of managers and executives said they were currently suffering from depression—nearly tied with transportation workers, at 3.8 percent. The highest incidence of depression was reported by service workers, with 6 percent saying they have or were treated for depression last year, followed by professional workers, at 5.9 percent.Gallup noted the disparity of rates between managers and the professional workers they lead. "The act of leading may contribute to a lower rate of depression among managers overall, compared with those not in managerial or leadership positions," Gallup said. "Or, it may be that those who naturally act as leaders, and who are often then promoted to the role of manager, are people less likely to suffer from depression."Overall, Gallup found, 17.5 percent of Americans report having been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lifetimes, with 10.4 percent currently having depression or being treated for it.Here is the breakdown by profession:Transportation worker, 3.8Manager, executive or official, 3.9Farming, fishing or forestry worker, 4.5Construction or mining worker, 4.5Business owner, 4.7Installation or repair worker, 4.9Sales, 5.1Manufacturing or production worker, 5.7Clerical or office worker 5.7Physician, 5.8Professional (not physician, nurse, teacher), 5.9Teacher, 5.9Service worker, 6.0Nurse, 6.1Jim Gold is a veteran journalist and copyeditor who splits his time between Seattle and the Bay Area.
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Coworkers celebrating

3 Surprising Reasons to Celebrate at Work

If you go to Las Vegas, make sure to visit the Zappos headquarters. You can schedule your visit online, and the Zappos van will come pick you up. As you walk into the building, you’ll encounter people chatting, smiling and saying hi to you. You’ll also see a big gong in the middle of the large office space. Anyone—including you or any Zappos employee—can go up to the gong at any point and make a big announcement.It can be an employee celebrating, “Hey! I just spoke to a customer who says he now loves us more than ever,” or a visitor saying, “Hey! I’m visiting from Europe and this is the coolest company I’ve ever seen!”Encouraging celebrationWhy do Zappos and other innovative companies encourage celebration? Most workplaces make some effort, be it going out to lunch to recognize a colleague’s birthday or presenting awards to the top producers. But you don’t have to limit your celebrations to once or twice a year. Create a culture of celebration instead. Here are three reasons you’ll be happy you did.1. It brings people togetherLaughter tunes a room, says David Sloan Wilson, Ph.D., in Evolution for Everyone. The sound and the positive expression of laughter are contagious. Psychologists used to think that in order for people to grow closer to each other, they needed to share their deepest, darkest vulnerabilities.In one of the most groundbreaking pieces of research on human psychology in the last couple of decades, Shelly Gable, Ph.D., of the University of California at Santa Barbara and her colleagues turned those findings on their head.They found that asking dating couples to discuss positive events—i.e., to celebrate together—led to more closeness, better relationships and fewer breakups than discussing negative events. So go ahead. Ask your colleagues what’s going well or what they are most proud of, and notice what happens.2. It's free and effectiveZappos is the king of workplace celebration. For example, each time Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh congratulates an employee, he is using what we call Frequent Recognition and Encouragement (FRE). He changes the tone of the workplace with a technique that is free to use and can result in a 42 percent boost in productivity for teams, as we show in our book Profit from the Positive.Simply recognizing and celebrating progress together can result in a more productive team. Why not use a technique that is free, fun and can increase productivity at the same time?Recognize and encourageOne very important aspect of using FRE: Don’t wait until a huge success or the end of your project to celebrate and recognize co-workers. Find smaller milestones along the way. Remember that feedback can go in any direction: peer to peer, manager to employee, or employee to manager. Members of one team we know say they count on their casual weekly Thursday lunches—where they talk about everything except work—to relieve stress.Celebrate Fridays. Celebrate birthdays. Celebrate the good weather with lunch outdoors. If you work remotely, you can celebrate virtually, like the education company EverFi does. Each month a plastic shark gets mailed to the team member who was nominated by his peers for accomplishing something big. The recipient takes a funny photo of himself with the shark and shares it with the team.3. Celebrations reverberate beyond the momentBarbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill discovered that one major benefit of positive emotions is that they broaden our thinking—we are more open to new ideas. That’s why we begin our weekly conference call with this question: “What’s one piece of good news, personally and/or professionally since we last talked?” In this way, we are encouraging our minds to be open to new ideas as we dive into our agenda.“Happiness lies within every employee regardless of title, position or salary,” says one of our clients, Erneshia Pinder. “True leaders recognize what it takes to activate this happiness across all levels of the organization by knowing that every employee wants the same thing—to excel at what they do and to be happy while doing it.”Last year on March 20, the International Day of Happiness, Erneshia hosted a potluck lunch at the office with the song “Happy” playing in the background, decorated a bulletin board with some pages from Live Happy, played a few games with the staff and gave away prizes.“The intent was simple—to demonstrate that we valued employees by encouraging them to partake in activities that make them happy,” Erneshia says. “I have to say it was one of the best days in the office. The atmosphere was upbeat and positive and everyone wore a smile.MARGARET H. GREENBERG and SENIA MAYMIN, Ph.D., regular columnists for Live Happy, are organizational consultants and executive coaches whose popular talks and workshops inspire business leaders around the world. Their best-selling book, Profit from the Positive: Proven Leadership Strategies to Boost Productivity & Transform Your Business, is now available in Chinese. Connect with Margaret and Senia at Facebook.com/ProfitFromThePositive.
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Happy workers

What’s the Secret of the Happiest Employees?

There’s a revolution taking place at this very moment in our workplaces and it’s being led by employees just like you and me.Fed up with bosses who drain our energy, jobs that suck away our souls and the financial uncertainty that cheats us of our choices, a grass-roots campaign underway in a growing number of workplaces aims to restore people’s happiness. And new data suggest it’s about to hit a tipping point.I recently partnered with the VIA Institute to release The 2015 Strengths @ Work Survey. Here’s what we discovered:While in 2001 only 2 out of every 10 people said they had the opportunity to do what they do best each day at work, this number has increased by 30 percentage points to five out of every 10 people today.56% of employees can now name their top five strengths, compared to estimates a decade ago that reported only one-third of employees could do this.64% of employees now believe building on their strengths will make them more successful at work, compared to 63% in 2006 who believed they’d grow most in their areas of weaknesses.Even when they have neither organizational nor supervisor support for focusing on their strengths, 49% of employees are still able to name their strengths and 26% still find the opportunity to do what they do best each day. Why are they bothering? Because it makes them happier at work.Putting your strengths to workWe found that 70% of employees who report they have the opportunity to do what they do best each day—to use their strengths regularly—look forward to going to work. Not only that, but 78% of them feel engaged and energized in their jobs because they believe they’re making a difference and that their work is appreciated.Most importantly, 70% of these employees describe themselves as flourishing at work over the last six months. How are they achieving these results, even when their bosses are not supportive?Many are taking these three simple steps:1. Discover your strengths The best way to identify your strengths is taking the free, 10-minute strengths assessment at viacharacter.org. Then pay attention to your best moments at work – when you feel really engaged, energized and enjoying what you’re doing – to see which of your top strengths are in play so you know how to apply them in your role and in your organization.2. Meet your best possible future selfOnce you’ve discovered your strengths, boost your levels of optimism and self-belief by imagining what might be possible in the year ahead if everything went as well as possible and you were using your strengths each day. Journal whatever comes to mind for about 15-20 minutes a day, for three days in a row. Try to detail what you’d spend your time doing, what your colleagues or clients might say and which strengths you’d be using.3. Create a small, daily strength-development habitPick a strength to develop that will bring you closer to the future you’ve described. Think about how you could use this strength for at least 10 minutes each day as you go about your job. For example, use your strength of curiosity to learn one new thing, your strength of gratitude to genuinely thank a client or a colleague or your strength of persistence to power through on a task you’ve been putting off. Or check out this free e-book with more than 70 strength-development habit ideas.Are you ready to join the revolution? It is possible to feel more engaged, energized and happy at work. As these employees have already demonstrated, you just have to be willing to start using your strengths and doing what you do best–even if it’s just for a small moment each day.
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Busy worker at her desk

5 Steps to Establishing Clear Boundaries at Work

Live Happy blogger, best-selling author and workplace wellbeing coach MichelleMcQuaid presents this series of interviews entitled "Show Up, Shine and Succeed." This is the last of five insightful, informative posts, each with a differentpositive psychology expert speaking on topics related to happiness, confidence and success in the workplace.Do you have trouble saying “no” to people at work? Many of us find setting boundaries to be a challenge.Yes, I can take on that extra project, although my days are already too full. Yes, I can have that difficult conversation, even though it’s your responsibility and not mine.Yes, I can work over the weekend, even though my family and friends had plans.Sound familiar ?“Learning to set and keep clear boundaries with your boss and colleagues is essential if you want to remain happy and productive at work,” explains best-selling author and productivity coach Valorie Burton.Click here to listen to the full podcast.“Boundaries are a definition. Think of it like owning a house; your property has a specific boundary around that property. Everything inside the boundary is your responsibility, and what’s outside is not,” suggests Valorie.“When we begin to blur those lines, we find ourselves in situations that become very frustrating.”Setting boundaries means learning when to say no. It means asking for the respect we want, and balancing our needs and responsibilities. Valorie recommends trying these five steps to effectively setting boundaries at work:1. Establish your boundariesStart by asking yourself, what are the boundaries you need to protect your own happiness at work. Try to clearly envision what it would be like if these boundaries were respected and gracefully enforced. Ask yourself: “What does that give me? How does it feel when I am operating at my optimal potential?”Then notice the areas where you currently feel frustrated, stressed or overwhelmed, and how, when and by whom these boundaries are being crossed.2. Challenge the stories that hold you backWhen it comes to setting boundaries, we often catastrophize about the consequences of saying ‘no’ to other people at work. It takes a lot of courage to sit down with your boss and say, “I need to do this differently. Can we talk this through?” What if it upsets them, or even puts your job at rish? Ask yourself: “What am I afraid will happen if I do?” Make the space for self-reflection and write out what you need to say this person to help you feel more confident about honoring the boundaries you require to maintain your happiness and success at work.3. Start with one conversationDon't try to set all your boundaries at once. Take it one conversation at a time and practice identifying, asking for and keeping a boundary. Notice what works, adjust what doesn’t and keep moving forward to make these conversations an effective part of the way you work.4. Enforce your boundariesCreate a plan of action for what will happen when your boundaries are crossed. Be sure to compassionately let people know when you feel your boundaries are not being respected (most people will mean no malice, but may be unaware of the impact their behavior is having on you). Communicate clearly what choices you will need to make in order to honor the boundaries you’ve set to ensure you can successfully support yourself, your team and your organization.5. Pay attention to what worksWhen you begin progressing and setting better boundaries, give yourself credit for each step forward. You’ll find, just like a baby learning to walk, from time to time you may stumble. Setting boundaries takes practice so give yourself permission to keep learning and growing knowing that this is a skill vital for your success and happiness.For more ways to approaches to set boundaries successfully at work be sure to visit Valorie’s website at www.valorieburton.com and check out her wonderful books for creating happiness at work and in life.And if you’d like more tested, practical ways to show up, shine and succeed at work visit https://www.showupshineandsucceed.com.
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Businessman in a suit

Do You Have The Grit To Create Lasting Success?

Live Happy blogger, best-selling author and wellness coachMichelleMcQuaidpresents a series of interviews entitled "Show Up, Shine and Succeed." This is the third of five insightful posts. Each podcast/interview features a differentpositive psychology expert, all speaking on topics related to happiness, confidence and success in the workplace. Do you have the passion and perseverance necessary to create a successful career?Researchers have found when it comes to successfully achieving our long-term goals, there’s one quality that distinguishes us most: grit. “Gritty individuals approach the journey to mastery like a marathon rather than a sprint, and this fuels their stamina to practice their talents over and over and over again,” explains Angela Duckworth, associate professor of psychology at University of California at Riverside. Click here to listen to the full podcast. Angela defines grit as the tendency to sustain interest in and effort toward longterm goals. It entails working consistently toward challenges and being able to maintain interest and effort over time, despite failures, setbacks and plateaus in progress. Whereas most of us take disappointment or boredom as signals that it might be time to cut our losses, people with grit take these signs as the moment when they need to stick with it and truly show up. Her researchhas established the predictive power of grit to determine successful outcomes. While much is still being learned about the subject, Angela suggests three things you can do to improve your level of grit: 1. Be Meaningfully Interested Make sure your longterm goal is based around something that is interesting and meaningful to you. Professor William Damon at Stanford University has found that when we find something personally interesting, and it’s meaningful to the world beyond ourselves, we are able to connect passion with action. It motivates us, providing a sense of purpose and energy, and preventing burnout. 2. Cultivate a growth mindset​ In recent research with Professor Carol Dweck from Stanford University, Angela has found that grit is positively correlated with the belief that we can improve our talents and abilities. Having a “growth mindset” is one of the cognitive antecedents that makes you more inclined to be gritty because it cultivates the belief that things can improve, that failure is not permanent and that there is a reason to persist. 3. Ask for support Rely on other people around you who can hold you accountable to your goals and ensure you don’t quit in the face of frustration or discouragement. When you study the trajectories of top performers, you see that there were times when they stumbled and doubted themselves. It wasn’t always easy for them, and in many cases, they relied on others to help them get through the toughest times. As Woody Allen once noted, “Eighty percent of success in life is showing up.”And while the number 80 percent does not come from academic research, Angela does agree that for many endeavors, if you can just persist and keep showing up, you will eventually overcomes many of the obstacles in your path. You can test your levels of grit in Angela’s research lab at sites.sas.upenn.edu/duckworth. And if you’d like more tested, practical ways to show up, shine and succeed at work visit showupshineandsucceed.com.
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Courageous woman

5 Steps to a More Courageous You

Live Happy blogger, best-selling author and workplace wellbeing coach MichelleMcQuaid presents this series of interviews entitled "Show Up, Shine and Succeed." This is the second of five insightful, informative posts. Each podcast/interview features a differentpositive psychology expert, all speaking on topics related to happiness, confidence and success in the workplace.At work, are you more driven by what inspires you or what scares you?Margie Warrell, best-selling author and coach, puts it this way: “ ‘For the sake of what?’ are you willing to speak up at work, transition your career, start a new business or take on a big job?” All of these things involve risk; what would motivate you to take on that kind of risk? Once you identify that, you can find the courage to make those changes.Fear keeps us small and stuck in jobs that don’t fulfill us, but make us feel safe. But is there really anything safe about living a life in which you feel disengaged, disillusioned or desperate to be doing something else?“In order for you to get outside your comfort zone and stop playing small and safe, you need to have a clear purpose,” said Margie, when I interviewed her recently.Click here to listen to the full podcast.Feel the fear and do it anyway“Courage isn’t the absence of fear,” explains Margie. “Rather, courage is action in the presence of our fears and self-doubts.”When we act by starting with small steps over time, we become more courageous. Our fears don’t run our lives, and we’re much more driven by what inspires us than by what scares us.However, we tend to overestimate the probability that something will go wrong and underestimate our ability to handle the consequences of risk. These factors drive us to avoid the actions we really need to take—not stick ourselves out there and speak up.‘For the sake of what?’There is a big difference between being well off and having wellbeing. It’s easy to mislead ourselves that if we just had the success we wanted, it would be simple to develop our strengths—to show up and shine in ways that truly matter.But that actually works in reverse. Only when you can answer “for the sake of what” clearly will you be willing to put yourself at risk, truly courageous and as purposeful and successful as you can be.According to Margie, taking the following steps will help you to stop playing safe and find the courage to do what really matters to you at work:1. Be aware of your impactBecome aware of the impact you have on others simply by the spirit you bring to what you do. You may not be living out your greatest passion each day. But if you bring a spirit of engagement to what you do, you show others that what you do each day matters.2. Understand what drives you​Why would you bother to speak up at work, start a new career or take on a new job? What would it take for you to risk leaving your comfort zone? Once you identify that “why,” you will have the clear-eyed determination to go for it. 3. Find your purposeDiscover the intersection of your talents, passions, values and skills so that what you do every day is meaningful. There may be things you are passionate about, but you might lack relevant skill at the moment. Or there may not be an opportunity—or perhaps if you pursued this passion as a vocation, it might compromise the family stability you value.Purpose is rarely about all or nothing. Rather, it’s about finding an intersection between what you’re good at and care about with value and need in the marketplace. That intersection creates opportunities to combine them.4. Cultivate a courage mindsetEmbrace the discomfort that comes with feeling vulnerable by doing things that expose you to failure. As you become more certain what you want to do with your life, don’t start by taking on Mount Everest. Courage builds, so start where you are and do something today that stretches you. When you encounter setbacks, pick yourself up and figure out what the next step should be. It's also important to surround yourself with others who are courageous, conscious and committed—people who lift you up instead of pull you down.5. Tame your inner criticWe all have a voice inside our head that say, “Who are you to do that? You’re not good enough. What will people say if you fail?” Try saying, “Thank you very much. I know you’re trying to protect me ... Now be quiet, I’m going to take this risk anyway.”Find more practical strategies to help implement these ideas in Margie’s best-selling book Stop Playing Safe and at margiewarrell.com.And if you’d like more tested, practical ways to show up, shine and succeed at work visit showupshineandsucceed.com.
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Man and woman in an office

5 Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt

Live Happy blogger, best-selling author and workplace wellbeing coach Michelle McQuaidpresents this series of interviews entitled "Show Up, Shine and Succeed." This is the first of five insightful, informative posts, each featuring a different positive psychology expert.Do you ever find yourself hesitating, holding yourself back at work for fear that you’ll be discovered as an imposter? Do you worry that maybe you’re not really “good enough” to achieve the kind of success you dream of?Everyone experiences self-doubt from time to timeIf you are bothered by self-doubt, you’re not alone. In fact, one study of managers by the European Institute for Leadership and Management revealed that 50% of female managers and 31% of male managers admitted to experiencing self-doubt.“Unfortunately when we’re worried that our abilities are going to be questioned, we lack the confidence to turn our thoughts into actions,” explained Louisa Jewell, a positive psychology expert who has studied self-doubt extensively.Click here to listen to full audio interview.Self-doubt can hinder your performance at work“Self-doubt causes us to engage in self-protective strategies at work, such as procrastination, hesitation and self-handicapping in order to avoid failure,” says Louisa. “While we may start out consciously using these strategies, once we realize they’re working, they often become unconscious habits that limit our potential for growth and success.”While often viewed as internal—something created by the stories we tell inside our own heads—Louisa points out that researchers now believe self-doubt may be socially constructed.“Self-doubt is often generated in your mind because of the social evaluations of others,” she explained. “Human beings are generally sensitive creatures, and the moment someone questions you, challenges you or looks at you in a funny way, you start to question your abilities.”According to Louisa, we can move beyond self-doubt by using the following approaches:1. Be aware of who you surround yourself with.Your social network can either increase or reduce your self-doubt. If you’re embarking on something new, make sure you’ve got supportive people around you who are encouraging you to move forward.2. Focus on your workInstead of wondering, “How does that make me look?” or “What if I fail in front of this person now?” focus instead on what you’re trying to create, who you’re trying to serve and what you’d like to achieve. Try saying: “I’m just working away here and I could care less about what others might think about me.”3. Challenge the negative chatter in your head. Be aware of what you’re saying to yourself. If you find your thoughts are full of negativity and judgment, then challenge what you’re saying by asking: “Is that true?” Rather than having your thoughts irrationally hijacked by self-doubt, rationally look for evidence to take a more objective, balanced point of view.4. Use your strengths. Be aware of the things that you like to do and are good at and use these consciously to fuel your confidence to act. When you draw on your strengths it removes your fear of moving forward and taps into your deep-rooted belief that you can succeed, and that you have the resources and skills to tackle new challenges.5. Practice self-compassion.Be willing to look at your own mistakes and shortcomings with kindness and understanding. Don’t judge yourself harshly or feel the need to defensively focus on all your awesome qualities to protect your ego. Instead, embrace the fact that to err is indeed human. Try to get a realistic sense of your abilities and actions, and then figure out what needs to be done differently next time.You can find out more about Louisa’s research and her upcoming book on self-doubt at https://www.louisajewell.com.And if you’d like more tested, practical ways to show up, shine and succeed at work visit https://www.showupshineandsucceed.com.
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Wman at work smiling

Show Up and Succeed

Recent polls show that two out of every three people report feeling disengaged in their jobs; many of us would simply like to be more inspired by our work.Perhaps you’re hoping for that extra bit of confidence to ask for a promotion. Maybe you’d like to be able to enjoy your work more, no matter what you’re doing or whom you’re working for. Or could it be that you hope others around you will finally recognize your skills and talents and reward you fairly for them.For many of us it’s as simple as having a bit more energy, feeling a little happier and finally being able to create the success we know we’re capable of. But what are the tested and practical approaches you can use to show-up, shine and succeed at work?Podcast series focuses on happiness and success in the workplaceEvery day next week, from September 29 to October 3, Live Happy will feature a podcast and blog in which work/wellness expert Michelle McQuaid discusses different aspects of workplace success and happiness. Five podcasts will feature five prominent experts in the field, each addressing a different perspective on how we can become more engaged and be inspired by our work.Louisa JewellPositive psychology expert Louisa Jewell notes that our sense of self-worth often impacts how we feel about our work. “Self-doubt causes us to engage in self-protective strategies at work like procrastination, hesitation and self-handicapping that hold us back from achieving the results we long for,” explains Louisa.Self-doubt is an internal phenomenon that reflects the way you talk to yourself. You can counter it with awareness, disputing the negative self-talk, and with a healthy dose of self-compassion. Increasingly studies find that self-doubt is generated by the social evaluations of others and the commentary that surrounds us.So how can you maintain your confidence in the face of other people’s criticism?Margie WarrellCourage coach and best-selling author Margie Warrell recommends making sure you are driven by what inspires you and not by what scares you.“In order for you to get outside your comfort zone and stop playing small and safe, you need to have a clear purpose,” said Margie. “Try to find what it is you are willing to speak up about at work. If you think through how you might want to transition your career, start a new business or take on a great big job when there’s more chance of you failing than the one you’re in right now.”Only when you can answer clearly ‘for the sake of what’ you’re willing to put yourself at risk, can you be as courageous as you can be, as purposeful as you can be and as successful as you can be.But will you have the grit to sustain your efforts?Angela DuckworthAngela Duckworth,Associate Professorat the University of Pennsylvania defines grit as the passion and perseverance for long-term and challenging goals. It's being inclined to really stick with a couple of things you care about and work hard towards them over weeks, over years and even decades.“Gritty people have placed extremely high values on their goals, and they understand that to accomplish anything worthwhile is going to require extraordinary investment,” explains Angela. “As a result they value habits, and accept that feelings of frustration are a normal part of growth.”But how can you develop positive habits when your time at work and home is already maxed out?B.J. FoggBehavioral psychologist B.J. Fogg, professor at Stanford University is dedicated to finding small changes that make improving our behavior easier.“Tiny habits help you scale back bigger behaviors into many small behaviors and sequencing it somewhere in your life that fits well. It relies less on willpower and motivation to create change and more on redesigning your life little by little so over time these small shifts create dramatic results.”For example, if you want to finally read the pile of articles and books growing next to your desk, then you could create a tiny habit recipe like this: After I turn on my computer at work, I will read one page. Then as the habit becomes routine, let it grow day by day until you’ve worked your way through the pile and are looking for new things to read.Once they start to stick though how will you protect your tiny habits from everyone else’s demands on your time and energy?Valorie BurtonBest-selling author and productivity coach Valorie Burton recommends setting and keeping clear boundaries with your boss and colleagues if you want to remain productive and happy at work.“Start by asking yourself, what are the boundaries you need to set in order to protect your own peace, joy and serenity at work,” suggests Valorie. “Choose the areas where you most feel the need for change and then ask yourself what conversation is it time to have?”To help you build up the courage, confidence and energy to take each of these steps, take the time to clarify in your own mind what it would take for you to show up, shine and succeed in ways that unleash your true potential at work.Sign up for the podcasts to be delivered to your inboxIf you’re ready to feel more engaged and inspired about your work, and to learn practical strategies for flourishing from top experts in the field, be sure to join Louisa, Margie, Angela, B.J. and Valorie for this special series of interviews. Sign up by clicking here to have the podcasts sent directly to your inbox, beginning on Monday, September 29th, or simply visit LiveHappy.com to access the podcasts and accompanying blog.
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Two women smiling during a work meeting.

The Five Mistakes We Make in Work Relationships

What's the one thing that can make or break a company?Hint: It's not technology, capital or marketing prowess.It's relationships.That's what Gay and Kathlyn "Katie" Hendricks, husband-and-wife founders of the California-based Hendricks Institute, believe after studying personal and business relationships for three-plus decades. In their research and consulting work, they've watched creativity and productivity blossom once people relate to each other in healthy ways.Katie Hendricks says workplace issues are almost always about relationships. "There's some sort of issue keeping people from collaborating or meeting a deadline or making a product," she says. Backstabbing co-workers, meddling supervisors, impossible-to-please executives and down-in-the-dumps naysayers are more than just workplace nuisances—they hinder the whole organization.At the root of this damaging behavior is lack of integrity in interactions, Gay and Katie Hendricks assert. So the couple developed their own definition of "operational integrity," with these four pillars as guidelines for positive behavior. (Read more explanation in How to Improve Office Relations Todayon Success.com.)Emotional literacy:Understand your feelings and the source of those feelings. Work through those emotions so they don't sully your interoffice relationships.Impeccable agreements:Keep agreements you make; don't make agreement you can't keep; know when agreements need to be altered.Authentic speaking and resonant listening:Speak truthfully and openly. Listen with empathy.Healthy responsibility:Learn to take full responsibility for your work. Promote and inspire responsibility in others.These principles are the backbone of the institute's relationship coaching. Adhere to them through awareness, evaluation and practice as advised on the next four pages, and the result will be a more positive, productive and creative company, the Hendrickses say. Shatter the principles, and you end up making the five most common mistakes the couple see in the workplace. (Spoiler alert: You may see yourself as a workplace morale-sucker in some of these mistake scenarios. Don't worry; none of us is perfect—and we'll tell you how to change.)Mistake No. 1: Reacting Defensively or Engaging in Other Damaging CommunicationEvery life experience and interaction is a learning opportunity, and the Hendricks Openness-to-Learning Scale measures how much we take advantage of an opportunity—how we talk to other people and how we react when they speak to us. Do we get defensive? Are we willing to hear other people's feedback? Do we rush to judge our colleagues' suggestions, or do we actuallylisten to what they have to say? Are we open to learning from our interactions?"One type of communication takes you to positive resolution. Another takes you toward dissolution," Gay Hendricks says. "People need to know at any given moment if they are communicating in a way that takes them to a positive resolution or if they are leading in a way that makes things fall apart." The Openness-to-Learning Scale ranks what's being said from +10 (high openness to learning) to -10 (low openness to learning).Here's how it works: Let's say you're in a meeting. You earn a +5 if you are listening carefully and able to paraphrase another's words without interjecting your point of view. You'll score a whopping +10 if you start implementing the ideas voiced in the meeting. It's a -5 if you are silent, become edgy or show frustration. You're a relationship-killer if you earn a -10 for creating an uproar or departing abruptly.You don't have to agree with the presenter to earn high marks. You don't even have to like the presenter. What you have to learn to do to keep a coveted high score is to express your reservations or ask your questions in a respectful, non-confrontational way. In other words, it's not what you say but how you say it. Don't mutter, "That's never going to work." Do offer, "You have some interesting ideas, but have you thought about possible complications like..."Clients love the scale, the Hendrickses say. Hold up the chart during the meeting, and you can literally track where your and your colleagues' comments fall. Even better, you can consider where your next statement might land before you say it."It allows people to make a quantifiable shift," Katie Hendricks says. "It gives them very specific things to do." So before you utter something like, "That's never going to work" (-7 on the scale), shift your language to, "I can see how you came to that conclusion based on the data you have" (+4).Ahhh. Those relations are already warming, yielding an atmosphere where people can speak their minds (remember integrity), share ideas and let the creativity erupt.Mistake No. 2: Overusing Analysis and UnderutilizingBody WisdomOur bodies have a lot to do with how we interact with other people. "Often when things aren't going well, it has more to do with what's going on with people's bodies rather than what's going on with people's minds," Gay Hendricks says. And Katie interjects: "When people get this, it's really revolutionary."Think about it: Is there a nagging fear pricking your gut? A sadness pressing on your chest? If your body isn't healthy, your relationships probably aren't, either.Katie remembers an executive who was sitting in a stalemated strategy session. The executive noticed that everyone seemed to be holding his or her breath. "She let herself come into an easy, relaxed breathing.... She did that for about five minutes, and they moved through the impasse and were able to resolve it," Katie says.Gay remembers a similar situation. A top-ranking official at a major computer company had an anger-management issue. After spending about 10 minutes alone with the client, Gay noticed he wasn't breathing easily, and pointed it out, remarking, "I wonder if deep underneath, there is some sadness or disappointment?" Stunned by the revelation, the client realized that was exactly what was going on. He worked through those issues and starting interacting with employees in new, calmer and more respectful ways.So be in tune with your body. Then be aware of others' body language, because it could reveal a strain in relations. Is your business partner voicing agreement but frowning with unease? Remark on that: Tell her you noticed her expression and ask whether something is troubling her. Doing so may draw out that concern, allowing you both to act with integrity because you are communicating truthfully with each other. Whatever tension may have existing can dissolve rather than solidify.Mistake No. 3: Getting Stuck in the Victim/Villain/Hero TriangleDraw a triangle. Label the points "victim," "villain" and "hero." Most people have played one or more of these parts during their careers, but none of them belongs in the workplace. "All problematic human interaction and drama appears on this triangle," Gay Hendricks says.The victim feigns cluelessness and whimpers "you did this to me." The villain hollers, bullies and blames. The hero rushes in to save the day, cleaning up the relationship messes left by the other two—but in doing so, he allows others to shirk their responsibilities. "People are just running around from one role to another without ever getting away from it," Katie Hendricks says. "A shift in that will really enable relationships and the organization to move forward."So how do you remove yourself and your colleagues from the triangle?First, be aware of the roles. Then thing about the lessons you've learned form the previous relationship mistakes. Where does your language fall on the Openness-to-Learning Scale? What is your body language saying? What is your emotional state, and is it interfering with your interactions? Is some old wound turning you into a victim? Is some insecurity making you a villain?Breaking the triangle requires some soul-searching—a task sometimes challenging for the stoic executive."Start by thinking of your emotions as friends. Your feelings have evolved over thousands of years to bring you useful information. For example, if you feel sadness, it's a signal that you've experienced loss of some kind. Anger brings you a message that you perceive some unfairness in a situation you're in; fear lest you know you feel threatened in some way. If you can begin to think of your feelings as friends, rather than enemies to control, it will make a huge difference in creating workplace harmony," Katie says.Starting can be as easy as breathing. Learn to take slow, controlled breaths—five counts in, five counts out—to lessen anxiety.Journaling can also be helpful. The Hendrickses recommend writing without self-editing as a way of expressing those "unruly" emotions. They also suggest listening to classical music as a way of calming the mind and increasing the flow of creativity and problem-solving.If you and your colleagues commit to emotional intelligence goals, maybe your company can write itself a new triangle, one in which employees' roles move their businesses forward through positive relationships and mutual goals.Mistake No. 4: Concealing Things That Don't Need to Be ConcealedKeeping secrets from each other drives a wedge into relationships. "Holding things close to the chest used to be strategic," Katie Hendricks says, but today's emphasis on transparency has superseded the old corporate secrecy. Companies reveal more and more information to employees—from financial information to news about what's going on in all levels of the organization.Doing so helps employees embrace company missions and avoids what Gay calls "niggles," nagging concerns or reservations that keep people from buying in. "The more information they have, the more it helps them overcome niggles and engage their passion," he says.Enacting open communication is not as simple as sending out memos and updates. The real communication mistakes happen when we conceal emotions and concerns. That practice creates rifts in relationships and sabotages productivity.This relates to integrity, too: speaking openly and honestly even when you don't think your colleague really wants to hear what you have to say. So why do people hold back? In training sessions, they give the Hendrickses all sorts of reasons why they conceal their thoughts. Maybe some sound familiar:I don't want to hurt your feelings.I feel dumb (or embarrassed) telling you.If I tell you, it'll create a whole new problem.I'm afraid you'll get mad.I should be able to handle this myself."When people are not being authentic with each other, you have to fight your way through the layers of inauthenticity to get to the real issue," Gay says.Sometimes the layer is a personal matter than influences workplace performance and behavior. No one is suggesting that employees reveal every detail of their personal lives, but simply letting co-workers know you're frazzled because a newborn kept you up all night, for example, lets colleagues know that a short temper or attention span does not stem from a job-related matter.Or when someone is troubled by a workplace matter, concealment can lead to havoc in company operations. Imagine the complications that can arise when someone doesn't speak out about a concern early and it becomes a major issue. Or when nagging fears prevent people from fully engaging in a project. Will those folks really take 100 percent responsibility?Top executives need to create a culture of openness. "The higher up you are in a company, the more it is incumbent on you to be open," Gay says. Of course, in many companies, the higher up you are, the more practiced you are at staying tight-lipped.If you have trouble opening up, Gay suggest first learning how to listen. "A lot of bosses are listening to criticize. They are coming at whatever communication comes their way with the intent of rebutting it," he says.Ninety-nine percent of statements, however, don't need such rebukes. Once managers and executives create an environment of openness for their subordinates, the more these high-ranking employees will be likely to transition from concealment to openness themselves. Imagine the workplace culture that managers and executives can build if they honestly express their fears, doubts, concerns and disappointments with staff members (in a way that doesn't blame them for those doubts and disappointments, of course)."Allowing people to see you be open and vulnerable increases the integrity and it makes the organization stronger," Katie says. It make you a real human being instead of a corporate figurehead—and you're on your way to building superb business relationships.Mistake No. 5: Taking More Than 100 Percent ResponsibilityLet's examine that hero role more carefully because the "model employee" usually isn't considered to be a problem. But that person may be muddying business relations in ways he or she may never have considered.We all know (or have been) the office hero: the one who stays late to ensure the group project gets done, the one who takes on way more than the rest of the team, the one who cleans up a co-worker's mess. "If you do that over and over, it's very easy to become a martyr. And martyrs usually have an unhappy ending," Gay Hendricks says.So before you rush to bail out anyone or everyone, consider: What's your share of responsibility? "It's important for an executive to create an atmosphere where everyone takes 100 percent responsibility," he says. If one team member takes 80 percent responsibility for his work, then someone else is taking 120 percent—his 100 percent share plus the 20 percent carryover from his slacker colleague. This dynamic is bound to lead to conflict.The responsibility mistake plays out in many ways. Katie Hendricks remembers a time earlier in The Hendricks Institute's operations in which her employees would perform well until she walked into the room. "Everyone started acting really stupid," she recalls. Katie eventually realized that she was the problem. She had a habit of grabbing the reins and taking control. Sure, she was the boss, but she wasn't allowing her team members to take their share of responsibility and work to their potential.Take off your cape. Do your share of work to your best ability and let everyone else do the same.The Hendricks Openness-to-Learning ScaleThese actions reflect low openness to learning:-1 Showing polite interest outwardly while inwardly clinging to your point of view and/or rehearsing rebuttal-2 Explaining how the person has misperceived the situation-3 Interpreting what the person is saying as an attack-4 Justifying why you're the way you are or acted the way you did-5 Going silent, getting edgy, snappy or frustrated-6 Finding fault with the way the message is delivered-7 Righteous indignation; demanding evidence in a hostile manner-8 Blaming someone or something else-9 Attacking or threatening the messenger, verbally or otherwise-10 Creating an uproar or making an abrupt departure
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